Why isn't anyone talking about the misogyny involved in Amanda Todd's life and death?
Photo sourced from R.I.P Amanda Todd Facebook page
With the death of 15-year-old Amanda Todd, BC schools have some reckoning on their hands. Will they take the opportunity to look at the systemic causes of Todd’s experience of harassment and violence, or let the lessons that can be learned from this tragedy get lost in a swamp of ambiguities?
While articles rolled in on mainstream news websites, conversation erupted on Facebook and in personal correspondence over email with women who are engaged in anti-violence and anti-oppression work across the country. In the spirit of our immediate reactions, I am quoting their comments in full.
“I wasn't sure if I should read the [Toronto Sun] article, but I started and I'm disgusted by the framing, at least in what I've read so far. I didn't like how the first part hints that the moral of the story is ‘girls, don't flash your breasts on a webcam,’ like it was her fault,” says Zoe Mallet, a human rights advocate and scholar in Ottawa.
“It made me want to take a topless photo and post it online with a statement of protest. Of course, I won't do this because I know most people wouldn't understand or get it, but the urge was there.”
Jarrah Hodge, member of the City of Vancouver’s Women’s Advisory Committee and founder of feminist blog Gender Focus says, “I found it odd how there seemed to be no specific attempt to address the gender aspects including the factors that led to ‘the mistakes’ she made and the way she was manipulated and slut-shamed. At one point yesterday after they took the video down from YouTube, it was still up at some other sites like ebaumsworld,[...]and it was horrible to see how a lot of folks who didn't know she'd committed suicide were on about how ‘emo’ the video was and how it was ‘whining’ from someone who ‘doesn't know how to give a good BJ.’”
Feminist scholar and writer, and former BC high school teacher Fazeela Jiwa posted: “Why isn't anyone talking about the sexism and misogyny involved in Amanda Todd's life and death? 'Bullying' is important, yes, but it is a vague term that glosses over the structural reasons for why it happens, like race/gender/class/ability. If we don't start talking about the specifics of power structures in high schools, every ‘bullying’ campaign will be a waste of time.”
Jiwa specified that the language of bullying “means little to students, and less to teachers. I can tell you that from both perspectives. The bullies laugh and text during every presentation against bullying, and then those who are bullied get bullied more. THIS case is one of many episodes of sexist coercion by men; what is also interesting is that the women in her life turned against her too even though they deal with the same pressures of capitulating to [...] internalized patriarchy. It makes me so mad how much money the public education system spends on campaigns [...] without actually talking about anything. The most effective presentation I have seen is one by a group called LOVE because it is real, artistic, and cool, and they actually talk about racism, poverty, and sexism. [Bullying] is not childish; not a thing that happens solely to teenagers; those same learned behaviours are the ones that circulate in the workplace, in clubs, on the street, and any other adult-inhabited place.”
She adds, “The video is heart-wrenching. And, no one is talking about the misogyny that young men inflicted on her—only ‘bullying’. her story is clearly gendered.”
I asked Jarrah Hodge, who writes and educates on gender representations in media, politics and pop-culture, to summarize what she saw as the factors leading to Todd’s so called “mistakes.” Her response:
“There was no discussion of the pressure girls like Amanda experience to measure their worth through their sexual desirability. From her story it sounds like this man had the hallmarks of a predator—he tried to use her photos to blackmail her and yet she's the one who got blamed. This comes from the idea that it's up to girls and women to protect their purity at the same time as all their role models in the media say that you need to ‘get a man’ to be a complete person, that you need to be sexually attractive to be liked, appreciated, and valued. She said the guy she showed off to was telling her how beautiful she was. Given our culture that can be really tempting for a girl.”
Ah yes, context. In a context in which women are told in manifold ways that everything about them is wrong— their emotions, their bodies, their fat, their lack of fat, their developing, their aging—when someone comes along and tells you that you are perfect and beautiful, that’s some powerful stuff.
This man’s intention, when he threatened Todd with exposure of the coercive images, was to make Todd feel like a whore. The weapon that this man was able to rely on was the judgment of our society. Under our unequal social and economic conditions, the stakes are higher when a woman falls out of favour with her community. For a girl or woman, falling out of favour with her community can mean a sentence to a nightmarish cycle of distress.
If we diffuse the judgment, and look at the behaviour of the attacker, we can weaken the attack. We need less focus on “the mistake” and more on the sexism in our society that this man wielded—successfully—to rid the planet of another young woman.
I believe that if we don’t connect the dots between what happened to Amanda Todd and systemic sexism, Amanda Todd will have died in vain. We can learn something from this and we can improve our attitudes and behaviours. Let’s honour Amanda Todd by doing just that.
Imagine a different reaction, after all the factors have led to this moment: the girl shows her chest. Man threatens to post the pictures. Man posts the pictures.
Instead...
We rally around her, publicly decry the man’s behaviour as coercive, criminal. We come together in the public domain to talk about sexism and how it is wielded to remove a woman’s power, convince her that there is nowhere that is safe for her, and shun her in the eyes of the communities on which she depends.
We can do this next time. A different ending is possible.
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(181) Comments
Excellent post, well thought-out. I still contend that it is up to parents to instill sexually conservative values in their girls (and boys) and teach them to say no to predators, no to peers, no to in-groups, and yes to Jesus. The bible says to turn the other cheek, which translated essentially means to make it difficult for one's opponent to harm you (turning the other cheek would make the aggressor strike with the other hand, which was equivalent to insult). Part of healthy boundaries is to cut ties with toxic people. If saying no would have cost her social status and notoriety, she would have lost favor with toxic people she does not need in her life and she would have grown-up surrounded by healthy people who do not live by social darwinist laws of the jungle.
Sexual sin is one of the most destructive kinds. It wasn't exposing herself to the man that was destructive, no, it was agreeing to partake in his sexual sin that was destructive. I believe the best way to avert such a disaster is to start by teaching your children that the gospel is life and that anything that contradicts the gospel is death. Teach them to recognize what is Christ-like and what is not and then teach them how to reject and cut-ties with anything that is not of Christ. For Christ is Love as God is Love.
I believe that focusing on combatting sexist and misogynist societal values in order to protect young women is ineffective. What is effective is focusing on Christ-likeness on a daily basis, which will ultimately result in the eradication of misogynist values. For there was not one misogynist bone in Christ's body, not one. And everything that Christ spoke of was of protecting the weak, feeding the poor (both in body and in mind), and rebuking sin (or those things that lead to death).
I was wondering if anyone had a link to the group Ms. Jiwa mentioned in talking about effective anti-bullying groups? I've tried searching for them, but haven't been able to find a page. I'm a high school teacher who would greatly appreciate more constructive resources to combat these problems.
What makes you think that instilling sexually conservative values gives someone the ability to say no to predators and peers? Predators are just that - predators. The early teens are a hard time, and a person's ultimate values (in many arenas, not just sex) aren't even close to being cemented yet. Sexually conservative girls are preyed upon, too.
Can we please stop just thowing this word around? Do you call a woman a misandrist when she bullies or belittles a man?
Do you honestly not see the gendered aspect of her bullying and the importance of its societal context? Women and men are not on remotely equal footing yet, especially when it comes to sex, and that MEANS something. The fact that you'd compare this whole tragic story to a woman "belittling" a man doesn't exactly make you look reasonable. It makes you look like the kind of person who trolls the internet looking for places to complain that not enough attention is being paid to the real victims--straight, white men.
By the way, if you don't consider a man who flatters a 13-year-old girl into flashing him and then begins a campaign of stalking and slut-shaming her--following her for years, from school to school--a misogynist, what is exactly IS he?
We are in denial. Whenever someone points out injustice, we hate them, we hate the messenger. Participating in the game is a device to avoid seeing the violence that is all around us. It is mob rule through unexamined fear, because the ruling principles and ideology is misogynist, misanthropic and nihilistic. The operating systems under which we cower are designed to keep us, the members of our fractured and broken civil society, in fear and feeling powerless. Corporate funded media glorifies all that makes humanity appear brutal, unreflective, violent and primitive. http://jacksonmeadvickers.blogspot.ca/2011/10/bullied-to-death.html
I was bullied for being a slut, too, throughout middle school. I decided to publish my diaries from that time in order to draw attention to this issue - it speaks volumes about our culture and how it could lead to something like this. I hope it will be enlightening for adults to read in the primary source of a 6th-grader's diary thoughts I never would have shared at the time: http://6thgradeslut.tumblr.com/
but I was already out of school by then. A photographer got me drunk and talked me into posing for him topless. He was very manipulative and knew exactly what to say and do. I woke up the next morning and fled, mortified. I was mortified for years. This was before the Internet, never mind Facebook and social media. I also didn't have a peer group, but still had social ties, and of course, worried about employers or colleagues finding out. No one ever did and I was spared. I can only imagine the agony that Amanda Todd went through being constantly reminded and slut-shamed.
What an excellent, important article. Jarrah Hodge forgot to mention the influence of this unfortunate, new breed of celebrities: those who turn into stars because they release their own sex tape (i.e., Kim kardashian), not to mention those who intentionally post nude photos of themselves for the entire world to see, because they can feel their celebrity beginning to fade. How confusing it is to be a girl in a society where kim kardashian is glorified. Girls are taught that yes, in order to be popular, desired, and worthy, you should enhance your sexual desirability. They are taught that kim kardashian and paris hilton are "sex symbols" and therefore role models. And yet, when girls satisfy a man's sexual interest/desire in order to feel beautiful and loved, they are called whores, sluts, and any other name intended to keep women down. What a contradiction. Women are supposed to be both hypersexual, yet virginal; 'airbrushed' perfect, yet natural; sexy, yet innocent; 'thin', yet curvy; 'hot' but the kind of girl you can bring home to mom; smart, but not too smart. For crying out loud! I'm exhausted just thinking about it.
This article really helped me to take a deeper, clearer look at myself. To the women reading this: almost ALL of us are guilty of being both brainwashed victims AND CONTRIBUTORS to this culture of female hating. We criticize other women for the most ridiculous things: what they're wearing, how they do their makeup, how much cellulite they have, how fat they are, how many fine lines or wrinkles they have on their face, how short their dress is, how "ugly" they are, how many guys they have slept with, I could go on forever. And yet, ironically, we have the nerve to lament being subjected to the very pressures that we subject our fellow females to. When we criticize a woman for such things, we forget to realize how deeply connected we are to that woman through a shared desire to feel loved and worthy.
From here on in, I vow to never call another woman ugly. I vow to never criticize a woman for her sexual behaviour, not even the very celebrities who symbolize the problems with a male-driven culture, for they, too, are victims. I promise to give women the same respect and immunity from criticism that I have given men up until now.
I am pessimistic about the possibility of culture-wide change, but that doesn't mean I have to be a part of this culture any longer.
"This man’s intention, when he threatened Todd with exposure of the coercive images, was to make Todd feel like a whore."
I think the words the author intended was "child slave".
I believe a major lesson to be learnt here is that we all must take responsibility for our actions and involvements in our own lives. Notithe bullying is most certainly not her fault and action needs to be taken to curb these activities. But, as I teach my children who were bullied, you have to take responsibility for your part, do not give the bullies extra to feed off. Be yourself and nothing more.
The hacking group "Anonymous" claims on Twitter to have found out who the individual allegedly responsible for causing all of Amanda's sad sad story.. CKNW had a reporter trying to talk to him.. a 32 year old!!!!
Here's the YouTube Channel narcissistic sociopath who did this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fS-0Xp1JjBU&list=UUaPyW6Or0S3M1_BVJWO0uWQ&index=5&feature=plcp&t=77s
This video dated Dec 20, 2010 has Amanda in it. His other videos reveal that he is into young girls, blackmail, exploitation, etc. Anonymous has posted his name and address. He better turn himself in, I think he'll live longer that way.
Congratz Feminazi's, this guy is the definition of a misogynist. I'm guessing that he offs himself tonight.
This is so wrong. I am not a mysogninistic old man; in fact I am a broken young woman who was Amanda Todd at her age to a T. Boy, do I wish SOMEONE had ever cared enough about me to give me some boundaries, to tell me to STOP my destructive behavior instead of just ignoring it or trying to justify it. I have no love lost for the older men who took advantage of me when I was young; they are filthy scum. However, it really kind of pisses me off when so-called "feminists" try and take away from us the only power we have, which is our power of self-control, instead preferring to turn women into victims of men. Does that really make you guys feel good about yourselves? I am in no way blaming Amanda Todd for her own death, but it really makes me sick that you guys think it's helpful for young women to propogate the culture that destroys us by making us think it's OK for some reason not to respect ourselves.
I'll flash my cock right now to prove that no matter what sex you are, people will call you horrible names for exposing your body.
Perhaps you will be called horrible names. But would the community around you completely shun you for doing so? And to the same extent if you were a young woman? I'll let you be the judge of that.
The fact that someone could take an issue has horrible and as sad as this one and use it to advance their feminist agenda is disgusting and one of the most outrageous acts of so called journalism I have ever seen. I have seen many things in my life but nothing so horrible as the video she made, and how the system we have let her down. This did have something to do with her sex, but the worst offenders in this case (other than the boy who posted the picture who should be criminally punished) were other girls. Please do not use this as a tool to advance your private hate for men. You should be shamed and publically embarrassed for your lack of judgement. Please do not use this poor girls horrific experience, you are just as bad as the bully who used that poor girl.
There is a YouTube Channel dedicated to Cappers. These 'Cappers' enter chat rooms, encourage young girls to do this kinda stuff, screen capture it and then blackmail the girls.
They did this on a continual basis. They would purposely break the girls down, make them cry and laugh at them. This behaviour is suggestive of Narcissistim and/or Sociopathic traits.
I hope that they all go down. For the people who have questioned the infamy of Amanda's death, here is proof that it does matter. These rotten bastards have been exposed.
Um, no to Keith Maillard's obscure take on this issue. Not a chance that's what went on.
No boys controlled us girls when we were in highschool. You know why? Because they couldn't: WE WOULDN'T PUT OUT. This is how we kept our power. If you wanted "access to girls" you simply talked to her. The fact that there are now teenage "gangs" just means adults need to monitor the kids more, in order to prevent "Lord of the Flies" situations. You do not let kids rule other kids.
Us girls were not so strongly, emotionally attached to guys because we weren't boinking them. Ahh, but some girls were.
These were the maladjusted "cool" girls. They were the ones getting into fist fights, drinking way more than anyone else, and the slightest thing seemed to make them angry. We noticed they really hung onto the guys who were their boyfriends.
I'm not talking about morality here either. If you look at the girls putting out, you'll see that over and over again, they're also the ones who don't feel good about themselves. You find the same thing with boys to some extent as well, although they tend to project the disgust they feel for themselves onto the girls instead.
Parents who are involved with their kids, who are there to monitor extra-curricular activities, tend to produce well-adjusted kids.
The statistics are there to support what I've said.
You do not let a teenager, whose brain is literally still under construction, (the most important part, the pre-frontal lobes) figure these things out for themselves.
You have to be there for these kids. Quantity time matters just as much as quality time.
Reading the above comments, it becomes clear that there is a painful lack of understanding of feminism and misogyny. Scholar bell hooks said it best when she defined feminism as "a movement to end sexism, sexist exploitation, and oppression." This does not mean male bashing, but rather to bring awareness to the systemic sexism and oppression built into society's institutions, applying to gender, race, class, sexual orientation, etc. How we are socialized from a young age, both boys and girls, means we can ALL be guilty of sexism and oppression, including women, without our awareness.
The author of this article is merely pointing out the contradictions that most people, especially youth, face when not conforming to society's "expectations". For example, the sexualization of young girls in the media, yet the expectation (as mentioned by many posters above) that young girls should know better than to expose themselves. Whether we define this as a "mistake" or not, one can surely recognize the conflicting messages that young people face today, and such actions at the young age of 13, is more an indication of the messages our youth are receiving, rather than cause for vilification.
I like turtles.
Yup i do. Turtles are great! :D
I am so sick of hearing how horrible her "bullies" were. Do you forget what it was like to be 15? Try to remember for a second being 15 years old and having a boyfriend. Then this girl comes along and sleeps with him. I don't care who you are, at 15 you would have called that girl a slut for sleeping with your boyfriend, and you most definitley would have called her that more than once. And if you were more popular than her, your friends would have called her that too. And then you find pictures of her showing off her goodies to randoms on the internet. You are going to use that against her to further affirm that she is a slut, and more than likely all of your friends, and their friends, and their friends friends are going to agree with you. I'm not saying Amanda Todd was a whore that deserved to die. I'm just saying, at 15 if some stupid girl had sex with my boyfriend, I would have made her life a living hell too. And I doubt they really thought she would kill herself, and I am sure these kids are pretty scared and upset now that she has. Judging by her actions, she was a bit of an attention whore. I'm sure when she tried to kill herself the first time, they all assumed she was just looking for more attention.
These are 15 year old kids and they are immature, and they handle their relationships in an immature way. Hell, I'm 24 and if some girl slept with my boyfriend and then I found pictures of her online, I'd STILL probably call her a slut and use them against her. Not because it's the right thing to do, but because it would humilate her, and the boyfriend who cheated on you with a slut, and maybe make you feel better for a minute.
The fact is Amanda made a mistake. A mistake she wouldn't take responsibility for. Did she ever apologize to her "bullies" for hurting them? Instead of crying about all the horrible things they were saying to her, why didn't she say "You're right. I acted like a slut and I'm sorry. I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend. I did these things BECAUSE...." People are pretty forgiving when you can at least acknowledge that what you did was wrong.
While I see a victim in Amanda Todd, I only see it that way because the "bullies" went overboard. But her "bullies" didn't kill her. They were hurt by her actions and they covered that up with anger. This little girl took her own life because she couldn't handle the consequences of her actions. It doesn't make it any less tragic, but it does make her death her own fault. I would hope that if she couldn't accept responsibility for her actions, she could at least accept responsibility for her death.
This is bullshit. The whole thing is baised completely to the fact that she was a girl and if it was guy it wouldn't of happend, which could be completely untrue. All the article brings accross is that men don't get bullied and only women do, which is utter crap.
Thank you for publishing this article.
I feel like I'm the only one talking about the role gender played in her death--not the bullying.
It's a joke that women are the most cruel to other women; that we nurture the sort of sociological tightrope that makes many women feel that they must put out an image of hyper-sexuality concurrently with hyper-chastity.
Have we learned yet (like in this perfect example from Alice Moran ow.ly/dm2gj) that how we dress and where we go doesn't provide context for a sexual attack? No? Why not?
The onus for ending misogyny doesn't rest solely on women. It's time for men to take a stand--not to 'defend' women's rights (we don't need to be defended or protected for Pete's sake!) but to eschew these ideas that women can and should be sexualized and that sexuality exploited.
Again, thank you for posting this article. I'm glad I'm not the only one fuming about this issue.
old-fashioned as this sounds this is the reason my son never got a cell phone - peoples lives r very busy but a phone is never far away .I only use mine 4 traveling . I know many arguments r about this .just my opinion.if a call is important enough leave a message or call back .
From my experience in high school, girls bullied other girls the most, and were the ones "slut shaming" each other, not guys.
"May she rest in Peace, you are one beautiful angel that is flying high free from judgement. Pray for us down here as we try to figure what role we all play in a death such as yours and others who left us like Amanda! The cowards who taunted you, remember, that Karma does come around, maybe not with you but you will have families yet too come. Remember the role you played, cowards when the time comes for payment!
May the Creator forgive us all!
Miigwetch Gima kwe from the Three Fires Confederacy of Wikwemikong Unceded Reserve.
Gender inequality, sexism when women don't like it, chivalry when they do.
The issue of Amanda Todd, as sad and regretful as it may be, is not a stepping stone for your personal feminist agenda, please out of pure human respect for her family and friends, do NOT utilize this to further your own cause.
I was confused at first too. Isolate just this part and it makes more sense:
"sexism... is wielded to remove a woman’s power, convince her that there is nowhere that is safe for her, and shun her in the eyes of the communities on which she depends."
The author is saying we should rally behind Todd, decry the man's actions, and come together to talk about how sexism leads to shunning and those other points stated above. Not that we should shun Todd and make no place safe for her.
It is comprehensible, but perhaps the author could have worded it more clearly.
Sad part is... if this was a 16 year old boy who did the flashing and got bullied and killed himself, he would have been called a "sexual pervert" and he "deserved it"...
a girl does it, shes a heroine and / or a martyr. Notice the absence of females saying what she did (flashing online) was "wrong".
None of you. And with that absence, you are opening the door for it to happen to another female child because she doesn't know it's "wrong" cause you won't teach her that it is... and most of you got the nerve to call yourselves "mothers".
Amanda Todd's death is being used as a vehicle for feminazi's political ajendas and misandry ...that is just utterly disgusting. so once again, Amanda's being "used".. but this time by other women for their own selfish reasons.
Shame on you. Let the girl rest in peace and stop trying to politically rape her and scavange her death for fuel to run your "misandry machine". Shes been through enough.
Stop being a bully.
THANK YOU! I was going to post something like this as well. I'm sick of seeing everyone blaming "the big bad man" as if Amanda Todd and other females in this story are completely and utterly innocent.
What these people do is disempower women. It's everybody else's fault. Was it Amanda's fault for CHOOSING to sleep with a boy? Of course not! He's male so therefore he's to blame.
Hell, look at Amanda's video for proof of what these feminists are doing to girls. She said "He hooked up with me"
It wasn't "We hooked up". It wasn't "I hooked up with him". It was HE hooked up with me. It was HIS fault that she slept with him.
She is not completely blameless. The guys in this do not hold ALL of the blame. There are other girls who probably hold the lions share of the blame when it came to the actual bullying aspect of what happened. There is lots of blame to go around in this story. So stop using other people's tragedy as your soap box.
I don't know how to explain to a man the insecurity that girls and women go through during adolescence--much the same a boy or man would find it difficult to explain their struggles to a woman. The fact that the above commentators feel as though Amanda is underserving of this "martyrdom" is irrelevant. The fact that she was a girl is irrelevant EXCEPT for the fact that this sexualisation and treatment of women is a common theme in our society. She was coerced into believing someone who disarmed her and took advantage of this. She was young, and impressionable and ACKNOWLEDGES that she made a mistake. So many many many girls and women make these mistakes everyday in high school, college and into adult life and yet are publicly not assaulted and made to feel like they ought to kill themselves. Boys and men make mistakes too, but are less often shamed for it, especially if it is sexually-related.
Amanda made a mistake similar to ones that a lot of people make in their lifetime--yet why was she bullied to death for it and not allowed to learn from it like the rest of us?
You cannot possibly say she is to blame. She meant no harm to anyone and the actions of her aggressors were well beyond what society should ever want.