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The Walking Dead S04E01 recap and review: Spoiler alert

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I got a bad feeling about this

In the woods near the prison, Clara is telling Rick her back story. She and her husband were supposed to go to Puerto Vallarta on their honeymoon when all flights to and from ATL were cancelled due to zombie Armageddon. Sucks to be them. Actually, sucks to be everyone. Anyway, Clara says that Eddie has been keeping her alive and showing her what she had to be willing to do to survive.

Breaking from tradition, Rick asks a follow-up question regarding "things she had to be willing to do". She hesitates before answering with the usual story: scavenging, leaving people behind, and generally being miserable. Red flags everywhere, Rick.

Hallelujah, it's rainin' dead

At the Big Spot, Team Daryl is scooting around with shopping carts, loading up on supplies. Michonne takes a moment to slice up a cardboard cutout of Frankenstein's Monster. Hey, how about a little respect, huh?

Bob is wrestling with himself over whether or not to take some booze when he notices something dripping from the ceiling. Like a dumb-ass, Bob somehow manages to tip the liquor cabinet over and trap himself. Only a conveniently-placed stack of micro-brew crates saves him from an ironic alcohol-related death.

... And that's when walkers crash through the ceiling in a rather spectacular fashion.

Zombies are not cats, so they don't always land correctly. Fortunately for Team Daryl, several of the walkers are DOA, splattering on the floor upon impact. Ka-splorch. Still, there are enough walkers to keep our gang busy.

Also, that helicopter is about to come crashing down. The crew manages to kill the walkers and rescue Bob, but not everyone will be making it back to the prison.

Zach gets bitten in the ankle by a walker, which then drags him in for the kill. As the team retreats, a helicopter crashes in from the roof, smooshing Zach and the walker into paste.

RIP Zach, who never did find out Daryl's backstory.

See? I warned you

Clara and Rick reach their destination: a neat little tent set up at the edge of a small field. A tent. How the hell are these people even still alive?

Oh. It turns out they're not. Eddie is a walker. Well, Eddie is the head of a walker. Clara wanted to feed him the boar. When Rick came along, she figured he'd make a better his dinner. Rick keeps her at gunpoint as she begs him to let her turn into a walker. She looks like she's about 93% there already.

Clara stabs herself in the stomach with her tiny knife as Rick watches in horror. As she dies, she asks what Rick's three questions were. He asks how many walkers they've killed; Clara said Eddie did the zombie-slaying. Hang on, she didn't actually answer the question. Rick lets it go and asks how many people they've killed; Clara says, "Just me" He asks why. She says, "You don't get to come back." She's not talking about zombification, obviously: she means that her humanity is compromised beyond any hope of redemption. (These are the questions that Rick thought he was being asked over the phone while hallucinating last season.)

Rick leaves Clara in the woods with Eddie. He takes the sandwich with him.

Will Clara's Zombie carry Eddie's head around? I kind of hope so. Let's watch for them at the prison fence as S04 progresses.

Story Time is the best thing ever

Story time! Carol is reading from "The Adventures of Tom Sawyer". Carl ninjas into the room so he can enjoy Story Time without losing his street cred.

Then Story Time gets even more awesome: Carol busts out a big-ass box of knives and gets ready to teach the kids how hack the bejeezus out of zombies. Harry Potter isn't feeling well. Carol is like,

Harry Potter leaves the room for fear of chundering all over the little kiddies. Carol gets back to the knife lesson before spotting Carl. She begs him not to tell Rick.

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