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Orange is the New Black S01 recap: Season 1 spoiler alert

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Bennett finds out that Daya is pregnant. This is hugely problematic, since he could get sent to prison as a sex offender. Incarcerated people cannot give consent for sex in the eyes of the law.

The title of the episode comes from Morello's insistence that Bora Bora has another Bora at the end of it. She's planning her honeymoon, still convinced that her fiance, who has never once visited, is dutifully waiting on the outside.

S01E11: Tall Men with Feelings

The powers that be at Litchfield realize how badly they screwed up, and decide to cover up Miller's death. Chapman organizes a memorial in the chapel, but nobody shows up. The real memorial is in Miller's old cube, where her fellow inmates share a bottle of prison hooch and tell Miller Tales.

Red and Nichols bring Daya in to execute their plan against Pornstache: have him screw Daya, then have Daya report him for rape. This gets Bennett off the hook for the pregnancy, and gets Pornstache out of Red's kitchen/life. Two birds, one stone.

Unfortunately, Pornstache practices safe sex.

The radio show featuring Larry's story is broadcast, and all the inmates can hear it over their various radios. It puts Chapman in danger, as it disses Crazy Eyes and Miss Claudette: two people you really don't want angry at you. Also, the broadcast makes it clear that Larry knows that Chapman and Vause are back together.

Chapman admits to Larry during a phone call that she still loves Alex Vause. Larry then drops the bomb about Vause naming her: "How does it feel to be in love with the woman who ruined our lives?"

When Crazy Eyes tells Chapman how horrible the psych ward is, Chapman petitions Caputo to have Pennsatucky returned to the general population. #TerribleIdea

S01E12: Fool Me Once

Red and Morello get Pornstache caught as he's having sex with Daya the second time around. Figueroa, who runs day-to-day ops at Litchfield, suspends Pornstache without pay but takes no further action: she doesn't want a rape claim on her watch, especially not just after Miller's death.

Pornstache retaliates by telling Bennett about Neptune Produce. When Bennett intercepts the next batch of contraband, Figueroa tries to bury the investigation: she's really diligent about covering up her laziness: a sort of middle-management syndrome that Caputo and Healy also suffer from.

Vause admits to naming Chapman to avoid a longer sentence; we also learn that Chapman left Vause on the day Vause's mother died.

We learn more about Pennsatucky in this episode: she's a crazy meth-head who, after her fifth (or sixth?) abortion, shot the doctor for disrespecting her.  Her legal defense was taken up by a far-right Christian group, which portrayed Doggett as a pro-life crusader. The firm somehow managed to get her into a minimum-security prison.

Between then and now, the whole agent-of-Christ notion has been firmly planted in Pennsatucky's head. Now she's obsessed with converting Chapman to Christianity.

When Chapman refuses to be baptized, Pennsatucky vows to kill the blonde college grad. Shit just got even more real.

S01E13: Can't Fix Crazy

A very special Christmas episode. Larry calls off the wedding, just after Chapman breaks it off with Vause.  Larry had paid Vause a visit at Litchfield, which Chapman hadn't predicted: Vause basically said, "She's all yours." (Nichols wastes no time in moving in on Vause, though, fair play.)

Red has been ousted from the kitchen, and her ploy to unseat the new chef severely injures one of her own, and threatens the integrity of her "family".

Sophie gets a rare gift indeed: a Christmas card from her son, who has shunned her since her gender metamorphosis.

Pennsatucky and her little gang close in on Chapman, menacing her with a homemade shiv in a straight-up terrifying shower scene. That razor blade, yeesh. The word is out that Chapman has been marked for death. Taystee, Poussey, Watson, and Black Cindy offer some nonchalant prison-combat tips.

Chapman's secret Santa turns out to be Big Boo, who gives her that screwdriver from S01E04. Chapman tools up in anticipation of Pennsatucky's next attempt.

During the Christmas pageant (which features some surprisingly good singing), Chapman ducks out partway through the performance. Pennsatucky sees her leave and, still dressed as an angel, creeps offstage and follows her out.

The two women square off in the snowy yard. Healy sees them and walks back inside, ignoring Chapman's cry for help as Pennsatucky brandishes a cross made of sharpened wood.

Chapman draws the screwdriver, but is disarmed as Pennsatucky slashes her hand. Recalling Poussey's and Taystee's advice, Chapman kicks Pennsatucky in the groin, elbows her in the back, and then mounts her for some Gina Carano-style ground-and-pound, beating the absolute shit out of her.

Fade to orange.

Well... dang. That's a lot to take in. Let's pick this apart a bit:

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