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Orange is the New Black S01 recap: Season 1 spoiler alert

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Chapman is finding that there is no such thing as privacy in prison: she has to shower, poop, and sleep in public. The lights are never all the way out, and someone is always watching her. Always.

Remember the bit about sudden violence? Chapman witnesses her first prison fight, as Taystee assaults the inmate that made her drop her ice-cream cone.

Oh, and one other thing... remember Alex Vause? The woman who lured Chapman to a life of crime? Yeah, she's at Litchfield as well. Awkward.

S01E03: Lesbian Request Denied

Crazy Eyes is serious about claiming Chapman as her wife, which Chapman uses to her advantage in keeping Alex Vause at arm's length. If this is how Chapman goes about proving her lesbian days are behind her, she may want to ask her writer fiance about the term "irony".

Just as Chapman swaps her newbie orange duds for the just-blend-in prison beige, she's assigned a new cube. Once processed, prisoners at Litchfield get moved to these open-plan shared bunk areas with low walls: picture a mix between an office and a zoo. Crazy Eyes requested Chapman as a bunkmate, but prison counselor Healy, who at first presented himself as Chapman's friend in this strange and scary place, denied the request while revealing a bit more of his creepy anti-lesbian tendencies. If you're wondering why someone so hung up on girl-on-girl would work at a women's prison, you are not alone.

Chapman has to share with the severe, order-obsessed Miss Claudette, whose previous bunkmate Watson just couldn't follow her laundry-list of rules.

As for Crazy Eyes, she can take a hint. She can also take a piss on Chapman's new floor in the middle of the night.

This episode's back-story focuses on Sophia, whose journey to become a woman broke up her family and drove her to credit-card fraud, which in turn brought her to Litchfield. She has found her estrogen prescription cut in half, which will play havoc with her hormones.

However, Sophia draws the line at turning to George "Pornstache" Mendez for help. Pornstache uses his position as a corrections officer to smuggle drugs into Litchfield, which he trades to imprisoned addicts for blowjobs. Yes, he's a dick; and, yes, he's on a collision course with Red.

S01E04: Imaginary Enemies

Chapman is given a job in the electrical department, and she wastes no time in once again fucking everything up for those around her. Her accidental theft of a screwdriver (a deadly weapon in prison) results in a prison-wide shakedown as the guards search for contraband.

Miss Claudette hides the screwdriver, saying that turning it in at this point is not an option. Watson has already been sent to the SHU (Secure Housing Unit, i.e. solitary) for mouthing off to the guard in charge of the electrical tools, and Chapman would surely join her.

Chapman vows to sneak the screwdriver back to its spot in the tool room, but Big Boo, a butch inmate whose ex-"wife" is about to leave Litchfield steals it.

The guard eventually buys a replacement screwdriver to cover his own ass. Deciding to make love and not war, Big Boo ends up using the screwdriver as a sex toy.

We learn more about Miss Claudette, whose legend strikes fear into the hearts of her fellow inmates: brought to New York by a Haitian human-trafficking ring, Claudette ended up running that ring. She killed a man who raped one of her girls, but we're not sure that that's what landed her in Litchfield.

S01E05: The Chickening

S01E05 could well be my favorite episode of the season, weird as it may seem. I say "weird" because it revolves around a quasi-mythical chicken seen on ultra-rare occasion in the Litchfield yard. Chapman sees the chicken one cold morning while reading, and offhandedly mentions it to the other inmates. Turns out the chicken is a prison legend: some think it has drugs up its ass. Some think it's packing jewels or cash. Some think the chicken doesn't even exist. Red just wants to catch the critter for a Chicken Kiev, but her motivation seems much deeper, bordering on the mystical:

Red's real name is Galina Reznikov. "Galina" is the Italian word for "chicken". Just saying. At any rate, the chase is on, and the whole prison is after that bird.

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