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Breaking Bad S05E16: Series finale recap and review (Ultimate spoiler alert)

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Walt assures Skyler that the neo-Nazi meth gang that visited her house in S05E14 will not be coming back, dot dot dot. Walt continues his lie about not having any money [actually, I guess he's not exactly lying], but he gives Skyler the lottery ticket, the one that will lead the cops to Hank's and Gomez' bodies. He tells Skyler to trade it for an immunity deal.

Walter finally admits to Skyler and to himself, "I did it for me. I liked it. I was good at it. And I was alive."

Walt says goodbye to Holly and leaves as Walt Jr. comes home. Since the cops seized Walt's rapidly-expanding fleet of domestic cars, Walt Jr. is reduced to taking the bus. Oh, the indignity.

Walt slinks off before his son can see him.

It's showtime

After dark, Walt pulls up at the neo-Nazi meth gang's compound. Naztache escorts him in after some small talk about the car. "No replacement for displacement," he says. Heh.

Walt parks the car how he wants, dammit, and submits to a pat-down. They hold onto Walt's wallet and keys (!!!) and escort him in to see Uncle Jack.

Jack, who now apparently raiding Marie's wardrobe, tells Walt that he looks terrible, hair notwithstanding.

Jack hits Walt with some knowledge: there will be no million-dollar deal. Naztache puts a gun to Walt's head.

Walt thinks fast, telling Jack that he reneged on their deal: obviously Jesse is still alive and acting as Jack's partner. Jack's like, "Partner, schmartner! Todd, go get Jesse!"

Walt, Jack, and the Nazis wait around awkwardly while Todd does as he's told. Walt's able to get hold of his car keys.

Todd brings Jesse in. Jack's like, "Does this look like a partner to you? #DamnedHipsters"

Actually, Jesse is looking pretty Lord-of-the-Rings these days.

With a rebel yell, Walt tackles Jesse to the floor, frantically clicking his car alarm until the swivelbot springs into life.

... And spring into life it does: into glorious and deadly life. The M60 begins firing the way Tio Salamanca rang his bell: loudly and ceaselessly.

The robo-gun, which had been mounted inside Walt's trunk, empties its belt into the side of the neo-Nazi clubhouse, mowing down everyone unfortunate enough to be hip-high from the ground. Only Walt, Jesse, and Todd are unscathed. No, wait, Walt catches a round.

The M60 runs out of ammo, but the swivelbot keeps on swivelin'. The neo-Nazis just learned a thing or two about mass murder. You got Heisenberged, neo-Nazis. You got Heisenberged.

Todd is still alive... at least until Jesse strangles him to death with his chains. If you think about it, this turn of events leaves his chances of hooking up with Lydia unchanged.

Uncle Jack survived the car-mageddon, and tries to bargain for his life, telling Walt that only he knows where the rest of Walt's meth money is. "You pull that trigger, you' never—"

Well, okay, then. Walt then kicks the gun over to Jesse, who wastes no time in pointing it the guy who flunked him in chemistry class.

Walt tells Jesse to shoot him, that he wants to. Noticing that Walt is grievously wounded, Jesse insists, "Say you want this!" Walt says, "I want this."

Jesse is like, "Then do it yourself," and walks away.

A phone is ringing. The ringtone is "Lydia the Tattooed Lady", so of course it's Lydia calling on Todd's phone. Todd uses the Groucho Marx version, but I prefer Kermit the Frog's.


Lydia asks, "Is it done?" Walt's like, "Yup." Lydia is all, O_o. She looks like crap, and she's got the humidifier going. Walt tells her that ricin is the cause of all that ails her. "I slipped it into that Stevia crap that you're always putting in your tea. #DeadSoon"

You got Heisenberged, Lydia. You got Heisenberged.

Walt says, "Well... goodbye, Lydia," and throws the phone aside.

This is where we part ways

In the darkened parking lot, Walt and Jesse share a long look, and they come to a silent understanding.

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