Breaking Bad S05E16: Series finale recap and review (Ultimate spoiler alert)

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Down in the street, Walt's two snipers emerge from the bushes. Yes! I totally called it! It's Badger and Skinny Pete! They get in the Stole-vo and hand Walt their laser pointers Ha!). Skinny Pete says, "The whole thing felt kind of shady, yo, like, morality-wise?" Two stacks of cash help Jesse's old buddies to recalibrate their moral compasses.

Walt quizzes them about the Blue Sky still sold in ABQ. Badger and Skinny Pete presumed that Walt has been in town the entire time. Walt's like, "Nuh-uh, wasn't me." They figure it must be Jesse, since the Blue Sky is better than ever (or so Skinny Pete has heard).

Wouldn't it be cool if Walt just conjured up Badger and Skinny Pete during the rest of the episode, like the Cat in the Hat does with Thing 1 and Thing 2?

In my secret life

A clean-shaven Jesse lovingly crafts an artisanal wooden box. Alas, it's but a daydream. Jesse is in Hugh Jackman beardo mode, still chained to the meth-lab beam, every day a waking nightmare.

The road to ruin

We go through a brief montage of the opening scenes from S05E01 and 05E09, in which Walt collects the M60, revisits Rancho Depresso, and collects the ricin. He indulges in a brief flashback to the pilot episode, which is still saved on his internal TiVo. He remembers when Hank first offered to show him a meth lab. Okay, Walt, back to work.

Give 'em your elevator pitch

At the coffee shop, a pair of Louboutins stroll in. They're attached to Lydia Rodarte-Quayle. She sits down, walking right past Walt, not recognizing him because he's in Tommy Lee Jones mode. Lydia orders her tea, ruefully fondling the sole packet of Stevia.

Todd compliments Lydia on her shirt blouse, inadvertently distracting everyone with his atrocious flirting skills, giving Walt the opportunity to lurk up and sit down.He stops at the adjacent table for a sec, surely up to something completely innocent and unrelated to the story.

He tells Lydia and Todd that he has a new meth recipe that requires zero (0) methylamine, and for the low, low price of $1 million, he'll show Todd how to cook it. How did he know to find them here? Because Lydia is nothing if not a creature of habit. Lydia asks for a second pack of Stevia. Rather than walk all the way back to the serving area, the waiter grabs a pack from the adjacent table.

Lydia brushes Walt off, and he leaves with very little fanfare. Lydia condescends to Todd that there's no effing way they're doing business with Vagrant Tommy Lee Jones. With that she stirs the second pack of Stevia into her tea.

Who puts the future in your hands? Robotix!

Out in an empty lot behind a burnt-out house, Walt is building a swivelbot, powered by a car battery and activated with his car alarm. the M60 is sitting just nearby, along with its instruction manual. As Walt tinkers with the device, he touches the wedding ring now worn around his neck.

I'm just tryin' to do me

In a smaller yet still depressing home, the phone rings and Skyler White answers. It's Marie, warning her now-estranged sister that Walt is back in town.

The cops have been getting phone calls that Walt is up to something big, possibly to stretch out the cops' resources. (Hahaha, it's Thing 1 and Thing 2!) Marie is sure that Walt will go after one of them or Walt Jr. Marie assures Skyler that Walt will get caught, despite the fact that "that arrogant asshole thinks he's some criminal mastermind". Skyler thanks her sister and hangs up.

Guess what, though? Walt's been in the kitchen with Skyler the entire time! You got Heisenberged, Marie. You got Heisenberged.

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