As high school kids in Squamish, B.C. clustered together to gossip about the Twilight cast and crew, fact and fiction began to blur. Boys, particularly, satirized twihards to the level of performance art.  

"I smoked a joint with Robert Pattinson," said Brandon, a talkative local Squamish teenager. "Rob's staying at the Executive Suites, and my friend and I met him when we were helping move stuff around."

The Vancouver Observer was unable to verify this claim, yet the sheer campiness of Brandon's storytelling seemed newsworthy enough to report. 

"He's not a vampire I can tell you that much. He's not as scary as he's supposed to be. He's kind of talkative, not too much. More shy I guess," Brandon said, now starting to ad-lib.

"He seems kind of shy. When he does say stuff it's kind of funny. He's kind of weird. I was expecting him to be scary but he wasn't," he said. 

Robert Pattinson, aka Edward Cullen

“They go for jogs by Boston pizza,” Zander added, who says he is the second cousin of Harry Potter superstar Daniel Radcliffe. Based on appearance, the claim seemed remotely plausible if not immediately verifiable.

Zander (left) and Brandon (right)

“LG’s like ‘em,” the boys said. “LG’s” is an acronym for little girls, they explained. In this case, little girls are the type of ninth and tenth grade students that would fawn over a Taylor Lautner sighting at Sushi Sen or Robert Pattinson at the movie theatre, they said.

A group of teenage girls joined the boys. They proclaimed disinterest in the Twilight franchise. The girls sported piercings, plaid shirts and leather jackets. They said they were not the “LG’s” the boys had spoken of.

“Apparently Bella smokes weed. It was in High Times magazine,” offered one teenage girl excitedly.  “I’ve seen them filming in Paradise Valley,” said another. "If I saw them, I'd ask for their autograph and sell it on Ebay."

Kristen Stewart, who portrays Bella Swan, in the photo above, sourced from Sugar Slam

“Edward has spray on abs,” said one girl, identifying herself as not "Team Edward."

“Jacob’s got good muscles,” said another.

"Apparently Robert Pattinson is insanely short, and same with Taylor Lautner. They're like my height," said a girl apparently not yet comfortable with her stature. 

"It's unrealistic, I mean, vampires and werewolves...," voiced one of the more pragmatic teens.

Despite the proclaimed ambivalence towards tween superstars and their mythical counterparts, from the sound of their laughter and chatter, the teenagers found celebrity gossip equal if not more entertaining than chance encounters with Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart, or even vampires, themselves.