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The Fake Mailbag: part deux

Every week we answer a bunch of questions we wrote ourselves.

Any plans on May 5th, 2012?
-M. Pacquiao, Mindanao, Philippines

Nolan: Hopefully watching the fight of the century. From the sounds of
it, Pretty Boy Floyd has booked out the MGM Grand. Rumors abound that
the booking is just more posturing from the Mayweather camp.

Runner up to the fight of the century? Octomom vs. Amy Fisher this Saturday night on Celebrity Fight Night (side note: you know how when something is misspelled in Microsoft Word, it auto-underlines in red? Didn’t
happen for ‘Octomom’. Yes, in what may be the saddest development of
the computer age, Octomom is now a part of our lexicon).

Go ahead, if you've got a recent version of Word, open it and check. We'll wait.

... Crazy huh?

Shane: Floyd is a world class, old-school professional wrestling style
HEEL. For those of you that don’t know what this is -- The Heel is the
Bad Guy. And Floyd could be the best bad guy in all of Sports. I hate
Floyd, but I hate him in that way that you want to pay money to see
him lose. In fact, I want to see him lose so bad, I’ll pay whatever
ridiculous price the Pay Per View event costs. 280 dollars for the HD
feed? I’ll have to make some new friends soon and split the cost of
that behemoth.

Nolan: Yes dear readers, Shane still likes wrestling. Sad, I know.

Any chance we see Chris Tanev again soon?
-
Keith B, Vancouver

Nolan: I like the kid. He's raw... He'll figure it out. 5-1 he's back before Christmas.

Shane: Battle of the Blades, season 12.

I once predicted Ryan Leaf would be a better quarterback than Peyton Manning. Am I an idiot?
-Karl Zawadzki, San Francisco, California.

Nolan: No Karl, not at all. In fact, it was probably sound judgement.
Leaf had all the talent in the world, but, as his new book reveals, he
was battling personal demons when he came out of college. There’s no
way any lay-football fan could have that amount of inside information.

Shane: Karl, you are not just an idiot. You are a nit-wit.
This question could read “Am I an idiot for thinking one of the
biggest busts in NFL history could have been good?” Ryan Leaf could
have been good, just like Jamarcus Russell could have layed off the
double quarter pounders with cheese. Ryan Leaf isn’t just a bust. He
is THE BUST OF ALL TIME. The definition of bust. The worst of the
busts. Yes Karl, you are an idiot... likely one with academic
credentials that far exceed mine, but I digress...

Shane, I’m doing a load of laundry but I can only find three pairs of your underwear.
-Shane's mom, North Vancouver, BC

Shane: (sighs)

I watched MLS playoffs last night. When is this NBA lockout going to end?
-B. Simmons, (Los Angeles, California)

Nolan: I am so disappointed. There was hockey on Mr. Simmons. Start watching hockey! You're from Boston for chrissake!

Shane: It’s been a long time since any Vancouverite has cared about
the NBA. Don’t see that changing anytime soon. I’m more concerned
about what Cory Scheinder has for lunch in his off-days.

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