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Vancouver sports reporter fantasy draft: Part two

Graphic by Rob Levesque.

Time for round two of our reporter fantasy draft. If you missed round one, check it out here.

ROUND SIX

Nolan: Kirsten Reid (? – TV)

Shane: Dan Murphy (Sportsnet – TV)

Shane: Murph may not be controversial, but he logs a lot of ice time. Sure to get a good sound bite here and there. What were you thinking with that pick?

Nolan: I like her. She is a future all star. She knows her stuff. And she smells nice.

Analysis: Two Canucks personalities chosen this round. However, with Reid’s unknown whereabouts, she’s currently just as useless as Pratt is for Shane. Shane wins this round.

ROUND SEVEN

NOLAN: Derek Jory (Canucks.com – writer)

SHANE: Ben Kuzma (Vancouver Province -- writer)

Nolan: Shane takes this round, but this is a keeper pool, and Derek Jory is like Ryan Nugent-Hopkins, he’ll be a big name in the Vancouver sports journalism scene for a long time. Check out his articles – well written, funny, and pro-Canucks.

Shane: Kuzma is awesome. Jory is a nobody. Just because Derek Jory stole your job at Canucks.com from last year doesn’t mean you have to make nice to him, Nolan.

Analysis: For the record, Jory never stole Nolan’s job. He was Nolan’s boss. Therefore, Nolan does have to make nice to him. Nice would have been drafting him. Dumb is drafting him in the seventh round. Shane wins this round.

ROUND EIGHT:

Nolan: Bill Simmons (ESPN – American)

SHANE: Jeff Marek (Sportsnet – National)

Nolan: Ever read a 600-page book about basketball? I have and it was F-ing entertaining. Nolan Ryan was my sports hero growing up, Bill Simmons is my sports writing hero now. I wanted to take Malcolm Gladwell or Wright Thompson, or Dave Zirin, but I had to go for the Babe Ruth of sports writing. Also, who the F is Jeff Marek

Shane: Jeff Marek will be your Canadian prime minister in 2033. Why do I say this? Look at his resume. In 1998, he is hosting a radio show about professional wrestling... Like WWE wrestling... when it was still called the WWF. Then he hosts Leafs Lunch, and other awesome sports radio in Toronto. Last year, he is working at the CBC iDesk and hosting HNIC Radio on Sirius-XM.

This year, he is the host of SportsNet’s hockey panel and appearing on Prime Time Sports with Bob McCown. Who has had such an exponential rise in media I ask you? If Marek doesn’t replace McCown or Ron MacLean in the next 5 years, it will only be because he is leading our country out of a recession or because he is killing zombies. With a crossbow. Dude is boss.

Analysis: Quite frankly, we're all a little taken aback by Shane’s man crush on Jeff Marek. Keep it under control buddy.

ROUND NINE:

Shane: Scott Van Pelt (ESPN – American)

Nolan: John Garrett (Sportsnet – UTIL)

Nolan: Gotta love Garrett. I get two points every time he disagrees with a penalty called against the Canucks. Also, 10 points when anyone mentions Garrett has picked the Canucks to win the Cup for 32 years in a row.

Shane: Kinda regret not taking Dan Patrick or Jim Rome with this pick. I prefer SVP, but those guys are point getters. I change my pick.

Nolan: No way!

Shane: Damn. I’m gonna have to start downloading his podcasts to see if he says something interesting...

Analysis: Last round, take a flyer.

FINAL ANALYSIS... NEXT WEEK

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