Beware the prophecy of the dead cow

Animals are dying, and in massive numbers. First it was the bees. Then it was the birds and the fish. Now it’s the cows. Last week, it was reported that 200 cows were found dead on a farm in the Wisconsin. While there have been a number of theories, nobody really knows why, though a number of veterinarians think it was from an infection of some scientific name. Of course, there are those who oppose science and are quick to offer alternative explanations; one such man is online theologian Paul Begley.

While cows have long been sacred by many religions (such as Hinduism), the brilliant-minded Mr. Begley says the bovine deaths as well as the birds and the bees are evidence that the apocalypse is coming. Where did he get this ridiculously delightful hypothesis? From the book of Hosea, of course. “Therefore shall the land mourn, and every one that dwelleth therein shall languish, with the beasts of the field, and with the fowls of heaven; yea, the fishes of the sea also shall be taken away.”

This really screws me up, because according to Mr. Begley, we will have seven years of tribulation before the second coming, and I’ve planned my days based on the fact that the world will end next year - in accordance with the Mayan calendar. But more importantly it messes with me because I am a believer in science. How about this for a change? The animals are dying because of the evolution of diseases, weather patterns, and global warming, not because the Invisible Man is angry at humanity (though perhaps Mr. Begley is).

It seems anybody is allowed to make predictions regardless of proof or evidence. Nobody would take Mr. Begley seriously if he said that the cows were killed because the flying spaghetti monster needed meatballs to accompany him for his dinner with the flying teapot of outer space. The fish were killed and eaten by Agwe, and the birds were a victim of Zeus’s migraine. However, I think that is just as plausible, if not more so, that Jesus is coming back to bring extreme suffering - disasters, famine, war, pain and the like - on those who have not declared their faith in him, which is what is supposed to happen after the rapture when Christ comes back. Every fictional being deserves the same amount of consideration. I’m going with the Mayans.

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