Game of Thrones S05E10 recap and review: 'Mother's Mercy' (Season finale spoiler alert)
There are a thousand ways to die in Westeros.
It's the Game of Thrones S05 finale recap.
Jon smiles when he realizes that Sam finally got his end away. He asks what we all kinda wondered: "You joost got beaten half to death! How did you..." Sam replies with a grin, "Very carefully!" I totally believe these guys' friendship.
Sam and Gilly get in a wagon and take the baby out of Castle Black, leaving Jon Snow surrounded by people he can't really trust.
Better take cover, when the shit goes down
Stannis Baratheon and (what's left of) his army approach Winterfell. On foot.
Inside the city, Sansa Stark uses that corkscrew she stole a few weeks ago to pick the lock of her bedchamber/cell.
She drops the corkscrew, I guess not imagining a scenario in which she may need to stab someone. Ramsay "Psycho Hobbit" Snow, maybe. Come on, Sansa, this is Game of Freakin' Thrones: when do you not need to stab somebody?
Sansa is like, "Screw stealth," and just strolls out through the bustling forecourt of the castle. Nobody seems to notice her. And nobody is remarking on what strange weather we're having.
Up in the hills, Podrick Payne notices TSWRF (minus the SW) marching through the trees toward Winterfell. He tries to ping Brienne of Tarth on Skype, but Skype has been a piece of shit for years and won't connect; so he just drops the rabbits he just caught and runs back to camp.
Pod finds Brienne where she's been hanging out lately: staring at Winterfell without blinking. He tells her the news, and he recognizes Stannis' banner from the Battle of Blackwater.
Sansa reaches the tower from whence Bran plummeted in the first episode. She'll get that candle lit in the window, dammit, if it's the last thing she does. And it might well be the last thing she does. She lights the candle, but there's nobody on the hill to see it: Brienne and Pod have already tooled up and gone looking for asses to kick.
Stannis Baratheon orders his troops to prepare to lay siege, until one of them points out the Bolton army riding towards them.
From up in the tower, clutching her candle, Sansa sees how vastly outnumbered TSWRF is.
From his vantage point, you can actually see Stannis start to form the word "Ffffffuck..." on his lips. From this vantage point, it's much worse.
Then he remembers, "Hang on, I'm Rambo!" and unsheathes his sword. The alarmingly-small number of Team Sexy Witch Religious Fundamentalists who stuck by his side do likewise.
The battle is over in roughly two seconds. Stannis' army is annihilated. Stannis himself is still alive somehow, though wearing his lucky Affliction T-shirt under his armor didn't help. As he staggers amongst the trees and corpses, two Bolton troops are trudging along and stabbing anyone who's still alive. They see Stannis, who turns around all. "Can I help you gents?" He then kills them both.
He growls in what sounds more like annoyance than anything else, as he surveys his dead-ass army and grievously-wounded leg. He hears someone approaching...
Brienne is like, "Check it out: I saw your Dementor thingie kill Renly Baratheon. Now, in true Judge Dredd fashion, I sentence you to death; a sentence to be carried out by me. Now. I have a storyline to wrap up, so if you've any last words..." Stannis has no last words. So...
Boom. Plotline resolved.