Game of Thrones S05E03 recap and review: High Sparrow

Sansa and Arya evolve. Jon Snow makes a big decision. And we all learn the true meaning of friendship. Okay, maybe not. Here is the recap and review for Game of Thrones'S05E03, 'High Sparrow.'

Jon Snow faces his new job requirements in Game of Thrones S05E03: 'High Sparrow'. Read the S05E03 recap and review right here.

Game of Thrones S05E03 recap: 'High Sparrow'

Welcome back, Dire Wolf Fans, and thank you for tuning back in. This is the recap and review for Game of Thrones S05E03, titled “High Sparrow.” Spoiler alert, obviously.

Season 5 so far:

  • Tyrion Lannister and Varys the Spider are on the long and winding road to Team Dragon Mama, acting like the title characters in Rosencranz and Guildenstern are Dead, or maybe Batou and Togusa from Ghost in the Shell: Innocence, trading philosophical bons mots and nihilistic one-liners.
  • Cersei Lannister has taking a break from throwing more shade at Margaery Tyrell than a solar eclipse to guilt-trip Jaime Lannister into rescuing their daughter Myrcella from Dorne. (That they didn’t do it on their dad’s corpse is... well, to be honest, disappointing.)
  • Brienne of Tarth and the Left Shark Podrick Payne are following Sansa Stark, who’s under the Svengali spell of Petyr “Littlefinger” Baelish. Brienne’ll protect the eldest daughter of Ned Stark whether she likes it or not.
  • Daenerys Targaryen is finding out that, when your subjects make snake noises at you, you’re failing at governance. Upside: a quick night-time visit from Drogon the big dragon. Still a crap name for a dragon. Homstor the hamster is still missing. (Also, Daario the Lothario’s backstory is basically Gladiator with a happy ending.)
  • Jon Snow has been voted Lord Commander of the Night’s Watch, despite banging a Wildling and putting Mance Rayder out of his misery on the execution pyre. The Crows have a higher opinion of Jon’s competence than did Ygritte. Stannis Baratheon wants Snow to lead the Wildlings in an attack on Winterfell, to reclaim it for Team Sexy Witch Religious Fundamentalism. Snow doesn’t want to do it, even though he’d be able to change his driver’s license to “Jon Stark” if he did.
  • Arya Stark made it to Braavos, and was invited into Ninja Junior High by none other than Jaqen H’gar, who’s neither Fake Sidney Poitier or... Jaqen H’gar!

  • Bran Stark... we haven’t seen him for two episodes so far. Eight more to go. #StillLoveHodor

Okay? Okay. Let’s get into it.

Changing the Clockwork 

The opening credits show the Flayed Man of House Bolton on Winterfell, yet the Harpy still looms over Mereen after Daenerys Targaryen’s photo-op Saddam-Statue toppling. Maybe it’s a work in progress.

Face the face, got to face the face

So far, Ninja Junior High sucks. Arya Stark is sweeping the floor in the dark, surrounded by weeping statues. Meanwhile Jaquen H’gar is giving some other dude a drink from a well. This is bullshit. Arya walks up to Jaqen and demands that he start teaching her some ninja stuff, like, right now: “Teach me how to silently lurk up on people and viciously kick their asses, like on Daredevil.” Jaqen shakes his head, “A man does not get Netflix in Braavos. Licensing issues.” “Still,” insists Arya, “what does sweeping the floor have to do with becoming the next R’as al Ghul?” Jaquen is like, “Has a girl not seen The Karate Kid?” Arya’s all, “No.” Jaquen says, “Obvs. Anyway, you’re just trying to do you. You have to serve the Many-Faced God and become no-one.”

 

Jaqen and the other ninjas believe that there’s only one god, and that’s the Many-Faced God. So, are the Faceless Men the only monotheists in Westeros? I think so.

Jaquen walks away, leaving Arya alone with the statues and the dead guy. Because the guy who drank the water from that well is now dead.

A few other ninja apprentices (or ninjas, it’s hard to tell) come in and silently scoop the dead guy onto a stretcher and take him away.

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