Game of Thrones S05 trailer recap and review

Swords and whips, threats and quips: Game of Thrones expands its scope for Season 5.

Dress for the job you want: Daenerys Targaryen.

Game of Thrones S05  recap

Hello, Dire Wolf Fans!  HBO has released a two-minute Game of Thrones Season 5 trailer, whetting our appetites for the S05 premiere in April. Unlike the ludicrously brief teasers of yore, this trailer actually gives us something. Several somethings, actually.


And yes, this is what we're reduced to: recapping trailers. It's like eating the dust at the bottom of a bag of orange corn chips. I'm not proud, but I'm not exactly ashamed, either. S04 spoilers lurk below, just so you know.

Let's get into it.

Consequences

We hear Cersei Lannister intone, "Nothing's more hateful than failing to protect the one you love." We then get a glimpse of Jaime Lannister, her bro/beau, looking... not quite contrite, but more like Jeremy Irons than normal. Maybe because he set Tyrion Lannister free, and the Imp then killed their dad Tywin while he (Tywin) was on the john. Safe to say that Jaime didn't intend for that to happen.

Then we hear the inimitable Petyr "Littlefinger" Baelish, saying, "There's no justice in this whoooorld... not unless we make it." Is it just me, or is his accent still changing? Petyr is talking to Sansa Stark: "Avenge them!" Hopefully the new season gives us a Sansa with more agency.

Who are those guys in golden demon masks?

Whip-smart

Dorne!

That Indiana Jones chick is Obara Sand, one of Oberyn Martell’s various daughters. She's using a whip like a boss, wha-tch-ing a bucket off some poor m*therf*cker's head. I call him that because he's buried up to the neck in sand. Whatever comes next is unlikely to be pleasant. Ellaria Sand is looking on.

Now the cover of David Bowie's "Heroes" kicks in, obviously in tribute to Teenage David Bowie, who was killed by the Ray Harryhausen ice-skeletons at the end of last season.

There will be blood

Who's that cutting her thumb, possibly to bust out some Team Sexy Witch Religious Fundamentalism (TSWRF) blood-magic?

Ladies and gentlemen, the new king and queen!

As we know, Tommen Baratheon is just a puppet for Cersei, who now has pretty much unbridled control over the kingdom; at least, the parts that answer to any law whatsoever. I'm thinking that Dorne does not fall under that category.

Road trip!

As the Wildlings (sorry, Free Folk) march south, we hear Verys the Spider say, "I believe men of talent have a part to play in the war to come." Tyrion Lannister replies (at least in this edit), "I will never sit on the Iron Throne." Verys says, "You could help another climb those steps and take that seat."

Tyrion emerges from the box after what must have been a long voyage across the sea, sporting an on-trend beard. I guess they sailed to Brookyn?


Anyway, Verys the Spider still looks like Westeros’ version of Uncle Fester. Dude never changes his look. Like Tom Petty. Respect. When traveling through Braavos, they're both in Obi Wan Kenobi disguise.

Team Dragon Mama! Daenerys Targaryen promises, "I'm not going to stop the wheel. I'm going to break the wheel."

We then see Ser Jorah Mormont in some kind of Thunderdome, facing off against a rather skilled swordsman! Is he on a Team Dragon Mama mission, or still off in the wilderness? Does he die?! Oh, shit, I hope Jorah doesn't die. He's the only one on Team Dragon Mama who's done any research about anything.

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