Game of Thrones S04E05 recap and review: 'First of His Name'

Swords clanging and awkwardly-loud banging: Game of Thrones is back with 'First of His Name'. This is the recap and review of S04E05.

Daenerys Targaryen
It ain't easy being Khaleesi–– Daenerys Targaryen in 'Game of Thrones' S04E05: 'First of His Name'.

Game of Thrones S04E05: 'First of His Name' recap

Welcome back, Dire Wolf fans! Here you’ll find the recap and review for “Game of Thrones” S04E05, titled “First of His Name". As always, spoiler alert.

Brienne of Tarth and Podrick Payne are off to find Sansa Stark, who is sailing the seas of quease with Petyr Baelish. Jon Snow is avoiding his pissed-off ex-girlfriend by heading to Kamp Kreepy to find Bran Stark.

Team Dragon Mama is cementing its brand identity. White Walker Boss is teaching us where ice-zombie-babies come from. Ser Pounce is... doing whatever cat knights do. (By the way, if you got a cat and named it Ser Pounce, I insist that you send me a photo.) Hard to believe it's S04E05 already. It's like the hump episode.

Oberyn Martell, Ellaria Sand

Anyway, let's get into it.

Throne of Games

Tommen Baratheon (first of his name) is getting crowned King in front of the assembled nobles. As is always the case in Westeros, the crowd is really white; like, Lord-of-the-Rings white.

Donald Sterling, disgraced owner of the L.A. Clippers

Tywin Lannister and Cersei Lannister both look ever so proud as the guy conducting the ceremony exclaims, "Long may he rrrreign!" Tommen looks nervous, then catches Margaery Tyrell's eye. Suddenly Ser Pounce isn't the kitty he's thinking of.

Tommen Baratheon, Margaery Tyrell

Members of the Small Council are bowing before the newly-minted King, thrilled that it's a kid other than Joffrey whose ass is warming the Iron Throne. Margaery is waiting in the wings, going ;). Tommen is like, :o). Then Cersei pops in, all >:(.

She sidles up to Margaery to discuss Tommen, but not really. Cersei acknowledges that, despite being her firstborn, Joffrey was a bit of a See-You-Next-Tuesday: "What he did, it shocked me. Do you think I'm easily shocked?" We all know the answer to that.#BranOutTheWindow

As for Tommen, Cersei reckons he's a good kid: "He could be the first king to sit on that throne for 50 years and deserve it." Margaery agrees, in a twist-the-knife sort of way: "It would be some consolation, wouldn't it, for all the horror that put him there."

Margaery Tyrell, Cersei Lannister

Cersei then shocks us by asking Margaery to marry Tommen. Margaery convinces absolutely nobody with her protestations. She muses out loud whether or not to call Cersei "sister" or "mother". Zing.

Poli Sci 101

Team Dragon Mama! Ser Jorah Mormont finally got around to checking his Hotmail account, and tells Daenerys Targaryen that Joffrey is dead. Dani visbly takes pleasure in the news, but tries to hide it.

Daario the Lothario has taken Meereen's navy, which annoys Khaleesi, since he forgot to ask Dragon-Mama-May-I. Still... they could carry 8,000 Unsullied and 2,000 Second Sons into battle, finally getting everyone onto the same continent.

Daenerys Targaryen

Ser Berristan Selmy, apparently not having seen S02E09, suggests sailing into Blackwater Bay and whupping some ass. Jorah reminds everyone that grabbing the Iron Throne isn't the endgame here: "Ten thousand men can't conquer Westeros."

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