Ask Indrus: Pay Attention to What Feels Good and Ask For It

My boyfriend says I ‘”take too long” and that he cannot wait for me to orgasm, but I think our problem is that he has premature ejaculation.
Just when I am getting going, he is finishing.
He also thinks foreplay is a sports term.
When we try to discuss this issue we just end up blaming each other. Is there anything that can be done to prolong our lovemaking. so we both can be satisfied ?
Signed,
I Want a Lover With a Slow Wouch

Indrus responds: Although this problem may seem unique to you, it is really quite common. The first thing you need to know is yes, absolutely, there are various ways to prolong your lovemaking. Often we cannot listen to our partners when we feel we are being blamed for an issue.

Really, it is not anyone’s “fault”, the issue just needs to be resolved. So talking about it again may not get you want you want.

First try to entice him to play longer before there is any penetration. If your lover has not yet realized how much fun foreplay is, teach him. Use your imagination, food (fruit, chocolate, wine, whatever) is a great incentive.

Learn the art of kissing, kissing is a way to make love. Know your own erotic zones and ask directly, in a loving and sexy way, for what you want, i.e. “I love it when you kiss my breasts and lightly suck on them.”

Really pay attention to what feels good for you and express it. Help your lover become a better lover for you.

Don’t start telling yourself that you are taking too long. Relax, and just surrender to the sensations you are experiencing,. You should be receiving oral and/or touching of your clitoris and/or G-spot until you are quite aroused before ANY penetration.

For several months do not arouse him by direct genital touch while you are playing before penetration. He should be aroused enough by the kissing and his touching you.

Do not be penetrated until you feel aroused enough that you can orgasm within the next five minutes or so. When both of you gain a better sense of timing the five minutes can be extended to ten, fifteen, twenty, etc.

If your partner is still experiencing ejaculation before you are able to orgasm and he feels open to some outside advice there are several other options. He could read a few of the many books that address this issue.

One that addresses this topic from the Taoist view is Mantak Chia’s, “Cultivating Male Sexual Energy”.

There are several time-tested exercises that help men to prolong ejaculation. You both can slow down the speed and intensity of the thrust. Slowing the breath and breathing deeper greatly help control his arousal level.

As well, the same breathing will increase the intensity of your orgasm. These are just a few of the ways to address this issue. There is really no reason not to be able to get in sync and enjoy perfect timing most of the time.

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