Valentine's Day: Tantric advice for the passionate partner
The most meaningful gifts are often the ones we create. One of my favourite is a simple and common tantric ritual designed to arouse the senses. Here's a fun and doable version:
Ask your beloved for a date. Make sure you both have a clear space of time, nothing to do afterwards is best.
Do most of the ritual in silence. The idea is to try to transport into another state. Since we all talk quite a bit, the silence helps to shift states. Dress sensually. Remember, men like mystery, so leave some room for the imagination.
Create a space where he can sit up comfortably with support pillows, but have his legs out straight. Make it as beautiful and as comfortable as possible, with candles and plants. Keep it a surprise, if possible. You will also want to be able to easily access all parts of him, so leave room to move around.
Have something to arouse each sense with hidden nearby.
Taste yummy chocolates, fruits, wine, whatever.
Hear: Light music playing in background, poetry, bells, chimes.
Touch: Feathers, leaves or flowers, silk, anything fun.
Smell: Essential oils, but also flowers, some fruits, even fresh basil, rosemary, whatever. Your personal smells. Yes, I mean yoni.
Sight is last. I dare you to dance.
Or, here's an alternative:
First, slowly remove his clothes.
Lead him into a bath (or shower), and wash him, kiss him. Kiss and lick places that usually do not get touched (between toes, wrists, underarms). Remember silence. Just listen to his moans. Tell him how you admire his body. Do not arouse him by massaging his varja. The idea is to arouse the senses more than just the standard body parts.
Lead him to the sacred space you have made. Seat him and get him comfortable.
Blindfold him with something very soft and comfortable.
Start arousing each sense. You can do all or one, or mix them up. One at a time is nice for the first time. Go slow. Make it timeless.
Use you body as much as possible, i.e. put the flower to smell between your legs, or have a little melted chocolate on your breast and tease him with little licks, then pull away. Let him taste, then give him a lick.
Touch him playfully, but try not to over-arouse him.
Mix up the sensations. Run the feather all over his face and ears, in a light gentle way, then give varja a good suck. But do not linger.
Remember, sight is last. Take the blindfold off. You will know what you want to do with it. I have done this in quite a sacred setting, just eye-gazing for a while, face-to-face as well as a full striptease with the music to match. Or just stand naked in front of him and let yourself be really seen. Look him right in the eyes, as he takes all of you in. Then let nature take its course. Let pleasure be your guide
Maybe we cannot keep it hot, hot, hot all the time, but we can continue to deepen and expand our experience of what sexuality is, no matter what our age or the length of time we have been with our beloved. It does take a willingness to be open to exploring and the idea that everything is possible.
Indrus Piche is a therapist and spiritual director/midwife in private practice in Victoria and Vancouver. She has extensive experience and interests in areas relating to depth/transpersonal psychology and intimacy. Further information regarding her seminars and practice can be viewed here.