Valentine's Day: Handsome, Brave and not looking for a one night stand
“Demi Moore seeks hot young lover to take away her post-marriage virginity,” Estelle wrote and hit send. But all through the day she wondered, "Who would respond to such an ad?"
When she finished putting her three boys to bed in their respective sleeping bags in her room, she dragged herself wearily into the tiny living room to find out. She pushed aside the print-outs of the many unfinished versions of her resume and opened the laptop. All those years in Lytton, what had she done? A six year gap in her employment history. What she had done was pour all her energy into changing the man she had married. She had poured her soul into the possibility of his backwards metamorphisis into a hottie. But he had clung to the belief that a businessman could become a small town rancher, stay out drinking every night, gain a pound a month, become evil-mouthed and wild, and his wife would wear nothing but an apron and patent leather high heels and greet him at the door with a highball and a tray of gourmet appies when he came in at 4 a.m.
She balled up the resumes one by one and threw them in the trash. I'm smart. That had to be her mantra. I can do this, she waited for POF's site to download. I can get a job. I will. It appeared and she typed in her user name. Her Plenty of Fish homepage opened up.
“Wow,” she said, cupping her hand over her mouth and checking to see if she’d disturbed the Aunties. Karla and Alice lay on the fold out couch with their arms around each other. A train crashed against another train in the rail yard right outside on Alexander.
Her Plenty of Fish mailbox had filled with come on’s. Estelle flipped through them, one by one, opening up the photographs of the men who had given her "backstage photos.” X-rated photos, the software warned. Her finger hovered over the "open" key. She shook her head and closed her eyes and hit it. She winced as she viewed the first shot. Then she doubled over and groaned. Then she opened her eyes and examined the photo closely.
Where were the head shots? What did these guys look like above the belt? She had never been so exposed to core of the male anatomy in such a wholesale fashion. Was there a woman anywhere that felt attracted or turned on to a man whose package she met before his head or heart?
Was that what men thought women wanted?
She revised her “opening line.”
“Demi Moore seeks hot younger lover with head shot to take away her post-marriage virginity.”
And, again she hit send.
Estelle scrolled through the photographs on POF. There were men holding fish in their arms, men on motorbikes, men with their arms around someone cut out of a photograph, except for a remaining bit of shoulder or strand of hair, as if the guy couldn't quite cut the woman in the photograph enitrely out of the picture or bare to been seen as standing alone.
In one case, a man sat with his arm around a woman with a head photoshopped into a blur. She loved and pitied and related to each man for his courage in posting his photograph, daring to put himself out to the world, himself and his fish. But she didn't love the man who gave the woman beside him, probably his ex-wife, a smudged out face.
Finally, she opened her in box, bracing herself for the inevitable photographs of the male package completely unwrapped. After all, she had posted an ad asking for "a hot young lover to take away my post-marriage virginity."
"Not looking for a one-night stand" read the subject line. The user name was Handsome and Brave. And the face was as promised handsome, appealing, even adorable.
Next photo: Handsome and Brave stood in photograph looking out over city with his shirt off. He had pecs. Strong-looking shoulders. A lean torso. Jeans.
Estelle was trembling. She hadn't had sex, not real sex, in more than three years. She had only had access to unhappy marital sex.
This guy looked as young and hot and hard and heavenly as a single mother with three young sons sleeping in her bedroom in a small Gastown apartment could dream of. His note read: "Demi: Please send photograph immediately. It's rare to come across a sense of humour on this site. I like funny. Funny is the new hot."
This is a fictionalized group blog about dating online in Vancouver.