Apocalypse dinners begin with most neglected foods

When the world inevitably ends and society crumbles, you are going to need a plan. For example, look at Black Friday shopping. Those people are buying Christmas presents and they still manage to trample one another to death. Imagine how they would behave if, instead of a Big Hugs Elmo, they were after the last can of soup in the store. Definitely going to need a plan.

The first part of any escape plan is to loot yourself some food. To be clear, I do not advocate looting in any circumstances short of the total and permanent collapse of society. But as any thoughtful apocalist knows, the end of the world is no time to pay for things.

Now, unless you are part of the first wave, chances are that the shelves will be picked fairly clean. So here is my first piece of advice:

Practice recipes with a small number of rarely-used grocery items. This way, you will have a few tricks on hand when such items are all that is left.

For example, years ago a friend of mine told me about a DIY Kraft Dinner recipe. Simply take one can each of condensed cheddar cheese soup and cream of celery soup. Heat them up together, without adding water, and toss with cooked pasta: done! Creamy and cheesy without the hassle of actually using cream or cheese.

Now ask yourself, if you were looting the soup aisle, would you go for the cream of celery? That is literally nobody’s plan. Did you even know that cheddar cheese soup came in a can? That’s what I’m saying. Let everybody else grab the boxes of KD. You will be eating from a heaping pot of pasta while the rest of them try to figure out how to get milk and butter a month after all fridges have stopped working.

There are many foods in the grocery store which get overlooked. Capers are another good example. Most people don’t understand how to use them, and thus believe them to be gross. Improperly used, they are gross. But used correctly, they add a wonderful salty, savoury note to sauces and proteins which stands to break up the monotony of post-apocalyptic dining.

And with that, here is my second piece of advice:

Look at the bottom shelf at the grocery store. These are the less popular items, which means they will likely be the last ones looted. If you can cook with those, you should be fine for a while.

Use your time wisely. The pre-apocalypse cannot last forever. One way or another, we will find a way to end this thing. In the meantime, get practicing.

Next time: Foraging your way to the harbour, where you will steal a boat because zombies can’t swim.

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