Women are increasingly more independent and professionally successful than they were generation(s) ago. That's great, but it comes with baggage, says Jane Atkinson, author of The Frog Whisperer: A Three-Step Approach to Finding Lasting Love.
“We’re less likely to think about the energy we’re putting out to others, particularly the opposite sex, and that energy has a lot to do with how people react to us.”
So take your eyes off of work and put them on Mr. Right.
Here are five tips on how to find "the one" this holiday season, from Atkinson, who currently lives in London, Ont., with her "prince of a husband" of four years, John.
1. Figure out what you're looking for
Have you thought hard about what kind of person you’re looking for? One trick is to visualize your perfect day. Are you at the beach? Traveling? Is the man with you quiet or chatty? Is the woman serious or funny? Does he want children? Does she go to church? This will help you identify the characteristics and values of your Mr. or Ms. Right so you can recognize them when he or she comes along.
2. Get happy in your own head
It’s all about attraction. Putting out positive, confident energy will attract the same. Besides, it’s never a good idea to rely on other people to make us happy. If you need to recover from old hurts, lose weight or find a job, take care of that business first.
3. Take this quiz
Think you’re ready? Test yourself with this quick quiz.
1. Are you happy with yourself? (Or are you miserable because you’ve put on 50 pounds since your divorce?)
2. Are you looking for someone to rescue you or take care of you? (If you answer “yes” to this one, you may not be ready.)
3. Is there room in your life for a relationship? (Or do you have three kids and work a 60-hour week?)
4. Has enough time passed since your last relationship? (Or are you still wounded?)
4. Pump it up with a makeover
Rather than, “Why can’t I find a good man?” ask yourself, “Who do I need to become to attract the man (or woman) who is perfect for me?” It’s not about changing you; it’s about being your best you. Part of that is your mojo – your self-esteem. If your mojo is slipping, you’ll attract control freaks, players and jerks. Pump it up with a makeover, a workout, a sincere inventory of your attributes. Find more mojo-boosters here.
5. Put on your sexy jeans and get out there
Where to start looking? If you enjoy working with your hands, volunteer for a Habitat for Humanity project. If you’ve always wanted to learn Italian, take a class. If you love to do yoga, check out a new studio (ladies, you’ll find a surprising number of guys there.) Perhaps you find a new church or take a class on Buddhism. The list of meeting spots for singles is a long one: bookstores, dance clubs, supper clubs, book clubs, gyms, golf courses, rowing clubs, dog parks.
