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How to be a Sex Person

The author with Vancouver's ultimate sex guy, Cam MacLeod.

In 1996, I had a breakthrough. Like any other teenage girl, I was a mess of hormones and confusion, unaware of what to do with the alluring power of my tender age (16) combined with the undeniable power of my gender (female.)

Then I discovered Prince.

In Prince, I found a messiah. A tiny purple prophet whose message was sex. Mind blowing sex. He crafted songs that could arouse, intrigue and titillate. He was graphic without being vulgar, raunchy without being sleazy and tender without being precious. He became my Guru because he helped define my sexuality the way no other human could. Simply put, Prince is the ultimate sex person. 

Sex people get each other. They speak openly and honestly about sex, not because they want attention but because it’s an important part of their lives, and in turn their character. I wanted to interview the pre-Jehovah Witness Prince for this column but he was too busy making your girlfriend come repeatedly, while you waited patiently outside in the rain without an umbrella. So instead, I called up the next best person: Cam MacLeod of sketch comedy troupe Manhussy. He is likely the highest profile sex guy in Vancouver. His performances usually involve seduction and/or (simulated) fornication - and they always speak to me. I was lucky enough to get a little insight on what it’s like to be a sex guy.

Me: What’s a sex guy to you?

Cam MacLeod: I guess a sex guy is someone who loves having sex, is good at having sex and therefore ends up having a lot of sex. Girls that have sex with sex guys usually tell other girls about how great the sex was. This causes a chain reaction of other girls wanting to sleep with said sex guy, or at least gets the idea in their heads. A sex guy is not always hot or sexy. Someone might exude sex just by their appearance but they’re not good in bed

Me: So, not Prince.

CM: Yeah. Totally. A sex guy is usually pretty up front and honest about the fact that he likes sex. He’ll tell sex stories often but won’t be a creep about it. A sex guy is charming. He can get people to talk about sex, who normally wouldn't feel comfortable discussing the subject. In short, a sex guy knows his way around the bedroom.

Me: How do you fit this description?

CM: I’m not sure. Conor Holler and Craig Anderson from sketch comedy troupe Bronx Cheer started calling me that because I would always tell them sex stories. I guess I have a good catalogue.

Me: Who are your top three musical sex guys?

CM: Chris Isaac. He’s smooth but not very cool. As much I hate him, Tommy Lee. And as much as I’m not into golden showers, R Kelly, though I love his music.

Me: You know he was found not guilty on those malicious allegations? Some fan you are. Anyhow, my sex guys are Will Oldham, because he sings about oral a lot, Ludacris and obviously Prince. What about ladies?

CM: Madonna, Lil’ Kim and although she’s new to sex stardom, Amanda Blank.

Me: Agreed but I’d replace the last one with Isis from Thunderheist. She would tire you out in the best way possible. How about actors?

CM: Johnny Depp ,Burt Reynolds and John Ritter as Jack Tripper in Threes Company .

Me: Bang on. And actresses?

CM: Marilyn Monroe, Sasha Grey, Angelina Jolie

Me: Yeah, Sasha Grey is intense. And strategic. She certainly isn’t shy about her sexuality.

CM: Can I add some honorable mentions?

Me: Shoot it from the hip, baby.

CM: NBA player Wilt "the Stilt" Chamberlain and Cher.

Me: What’s your advice to budding sex guys?

CM: The more you give, the more you receive. Do you like getting presents for Christmas? And by presents, I mean head. Of course you do. Everybody does. But no one wants to be the one who's always giving the presents.

Don't be sleazy. Being a sex guy isn't about trying to get laid all the time. It's about being confident and honest. If you don't put pressure on the situation, things will usually fall into place. There is no need to lie about the future of a one-night stand or a casual fling. They are what they are.

 Finally, if you're a good dancer, show that shit off. If you can dance well with a girl, chances are the sex is going to be even better.

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Cam MacLeod is putting on Total Chinese Buffet on December 9 at Kenitzen Chinese Cuisine on the second floor of Tinseltown. It has a slew of great performers on the bill and two sushi bars. Tickets are $13 in advance at ZULU, SCRATCH and REDCAT RECORDS or $18 at the door. Go to www.manhussy.com for more information.

Follow Elianna Lev on various social networking sites, by visiting www.eliannalev.com

 

 

 

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