From the Editor, Storm Cocktail

Boil it, chug it from a bottle, but don't drink the tap water , Vancouver authorities warned after this week's epic storm.

Cascading Emotions
Safeway at King Edward and Oak had already run out of bottled water by 9 a.m. Friday morning, check out clerk Brad G told the Vancouver Observer. "I live on 40th and my water's fine," Brad G said. "But I have friends in Kitsilano and their water is brown."

A fight broke out and several people were knocked to the ground as customers graplled over limited supplies of bottle water at the Grandview Highway Costco Friday morning, the Vancouver Sun reported.

Some people had already found water sold oiut at the Real Canadian Superstore just down the block and the Canadian Tire stores on Kingsway and at Lougheed Highway and rushed to Costco in hopes of finding a supply.

The police arrived to help control the crowd by 10:15 a.m., the Sun said.

Disappointed Coffee Drinkers
Vancouver Starbucks and other cafes and restaurants received word at 9 p.m. Thursday night that they were not permitted to serve brewed coffee drinks until further notice.

Starbucks baristas at Cambie and 19th told a Vancouver Observer reporter that they had spent their day telling about one customer per minute the Starbucks' new no-coffee policy.

Mayor Sam Sullivan warned of a possible "depression epidemic" the city may be heading into brought on by mass sudden- coffee-withdrawal-syndrome. While some authorities saw the biggest threat in e coli contamination, others named the larger threat:
happiness and balance breakdown in a caffeine-addicted population whose citizens no longer know how to brew a cup of coffee on their own.

Twelve-step support groups were being formed by city officials to help coffee drinkers make it through one day at a time and Mayor Sullivan was advising citizens to seek aid from a higher power.

(Just kidding.)

(I think.)

Other Breaking News. Seriously
Vancouver Talmud Torah grammar school was evacuated today due to a "security threat." Children were removed from the school and sent to a neighbouring building. Parents remained clueless about the nature of the threat.

"No, it's not because of the water," the mother of a preschooler explained to her daughter, after picking her up from an auditorium packed with 4 to 12-year-olds at 10:50 a.m. on Friday.

New
Maurika N, writes about puck bunnies. Todd Bertuzzi used to be an obsession, which has long since been replaced for our writer by a love of the game. See Maurika's new section.

Upcoming: From the heart of Kitsilano, Shannon Little reports on Dumpster Diving.

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