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Vancouver Absurder

Mega-Spider vs Mutant Meteorologist: Mind-blowing video

Jordan Yerman
Jun 25th, 2013

Super-meteorologist vs big-ass spider

Giant spider vs Kristin Gordon: Round 1... Fight!

Just when you thought it was safe to step outside and enjoy Vancouver's warmish, damp June greyshine... the giant spider has returned, hell-bent on Lower Mainland domination!

Mega-Spider is back, and he means business. The creature's return has much larger implications for Vancouver, though: When confronted with Mega-Spider, Global BC meteorologist Kristi Gordon inadvertently revealed a mutant super-power, phasing into the back wall of the set. Just like Kitty Pryde from the X-Men.

Fellow Canadian Ellen Page played Kitty Pryde in "X-Men 3", but that was just make-believe. This incident was on the news, and therefore real.

Giant spider attacks Vancouver

Jordan Yerman
Jun 17th, 2013

The Amazing Spider-Cam

It's a spider, man!

A giant spider is attacking Vancouver! Run! Run for your liiiiiives!

Wait, what?

Oh.

Right. I see.

So, no cause for alarm, then.

Sorry.

(This one comes via Global BC's Facebook page, thanks to my friend and Trending Now co-host Yuliya Talmazan. I'm told the spider's name is Boris.)

Possible missing cat in Burnaby

Jordan Yerman
May 7th, 2013

Cat: for illustration purposes only. This cat is not lost; she's quite content where she is, and her expression suggests that we not try to move her.

Have you seen a cat?

A cat might be missing in Burnaby. Well, surely somewhere a cat-owner in Burnaby is indeed missing his or her feline friend, but this may not be the feline friend in question.

Here's the hot tip from /r/Vancouver:

Hey I was walking home I saw the friendliest cat on Sussex and Rumble by the Old folks home..I've lived here for a couple years never seen it before. The nicest cat I ever met, It followed me for a bit I tried to post to reddit but not sure if it worked. I called the SCPA but they did not answer. I l lost it in the dark I feel terrible someone please help, I'm just kinda drunk and worried! Cats usually don't like me!

Considering all the "coyote spotted" posters I see stapled to lampposts, I would think that missing cats get found rather quickly, just not necessarily by their owners. I hope that is not the case with the cat found by the Redditor quoted above.

China's People's Daily erects phallic HQ

Jordan Yerman
May 4th, 2013

People's Daily Headquarters in Beijing: NSFW HQ

People's Daily builds an impressive erection

The People's Daily newspaper in Beijing, China is erecting a new headquarters.

The new newspaper building looks like a male virile member. A johnson. A willy, if you will. There's nothing else for which it can be mistaken; no, not even a toadstool. They should call it NSFW HQ.

The idea of skyscrapers as phallic symbols is nothing new, but the People's Daily is really pushing it to new... heights? Girths? I don't even know where to go with that one.

Of course, Sina Weibo users have been having a field day with this, since everyone in the world likes a good naughty-bits joke.The state-run People's Daily is the Communist Party's mouthpiece, so Chinese citizens have an extra bone to pick.

"Of course the national mouthpiece should be imposing," said one user.

Mayor Robertson and Counc. Carr busted in 'greenest city' Scottification scam

David P. Ball
Dec 20th, 2011

Mayor Gregor Robertson, in a kilt at his inauguration ceremony, with political commentator Bill Tieleman. Photo by David P. Ball.

Hidden camera footage obtained by the Vancouver Observer has revealed Mayor Gregor Robertson's dream of making Vancouver the world's “greenest city” are in fact clandestine plans to enforce his Scottish heritage upon the city.
 
Caught on tape meeting with fellow City Council Scots Caucus member Adriane Carr (Green Party representative of north Scotland's Clan Kerr), Carr and Robertson are seen discussing whether fellow councillor Heather Deal (Vision Vancouver) -- descendent of the Irish family Dale -- might be drawn into an alliance.
 
“Robbie,” Carr is heard on the tape saying to the mayor – referring to Robertson by his Scottish nickname, “If William Wallace succeeded in bringing Scots and Irish together, we can too.
 
“We've endured the yoke of British rule too long now, aye.”
 

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