In his desire to leave nothing to chance after expelling Iranian diplomats from Ottawa, Canadian Foreign minister John Baird announced he is cutting ties with North Vancouver, which is known to be home to a sizeable community of Iranian Canadians.
"It's guilt by association, plain and simple," said Baird. "I mean, surely you don't expect me to talk to these people."
Also being investigated is the mayor of North Vancouver, who he accused of providing a safe haven for doctors, engineers and tango dancers, which are known proclivities of Iranians. As to why he is making this move now, Baird cited unrest in Iran from a year ago. "I didn't need the excuse at the time, but now I do, so I'm using it, so there. Next question."
When asked what would replace diplomatic relations in Iran, Baird replied, "We're going to bomb the shit out of them."
Editor's note: yes, it's satire. Canada can't cut diplomatic ties with its own cities, not even in BC. Republished with permission from the Lalo Blog.