Psyched

Challenging your preconceptions about beating addiction

You've given it a lot of thought. You know that your addiction is overwhelming your life and causing you a lot of problems. You really want to stop engaging in these self-defeating behaviours and have a better life. You're so sure you're ready, but…

"It's going to be so hard!", you tell yourself. "How am I going to get through the rough times without having that substance or behaviour to fall back on?"

The truth is, you're right -- it will be difficult. When we have been soothing ourselves with long-held, dysfunctional patterns, habits or addictions, we have developed a "comfort zone" for ourselves. This means that we have been comfortable using these behaviours, and we will have to learn all over again how to live without them.

For most people this takes some time, vigilance, commitment and yes – discomfort.

I recently went to a talk given by Gabor Maté, a medical doctor, author and speaker, who spent many years working with hard-core addicts and alcoholics, as well as people with HIV/AIDS, in Vancouver’s Downtown Eastside.  His talk, as always, was brilliant and inspirational – but there was one point he made that continues to resonate with me.

Dr. Maté explained that most people, when faced with the choice of either attachment or authenticity in their relationships, will go for attachment first, seeking recognition and validation from others instead of being able to give it to themselves. I personally think he’s right about that.

If you are a hockey fan – and unless you live under a rock – you would know that the Vancouver Canucks played their first game of the season on October 6, 2011.

Even though this would be a momentous occasion for the city’s sports fans at the best of times, this game carried with it the added weight of being the first since the notorious “Riot” that occurred after the Canucks lost the Stanley Cup last June.

To our great dismay and embarrassment, The Riot was viewed by people all over the world, thanks to today’s inexhaustible technology. Friends of mine in Japan saw it, as did my friends in Egypt, Paris, the Philippines, and South Korea. My friends and relatives in Edmonton, Florida, Toronto, Los Angeles, and Washington State wrote to me expressing their concern. Those of us here in Vancouver who were not at the game that evening watched the late night news on every channel, awash with horrendous disbelief  - our mouths agape as we witnessed the complete stupidity of that drunken mob – egged on by their moronic onlookers.

They overtook our beautiful city that night, wounding its downtown core in an appalling spree of violence and looting.

I’ve seen Amy Winehouse perform on TV several times over the past few years – and I was always amazed at how much her voice reminded me of Janis Joplin’s.  I was a big Janis fan back in the day, and although Amy’s music wasn’t as resonant for me personally, I do know that for many, she was a ‘voice’ of her generation – and a musical inspiration to many other young soulful artists.

I’m greatly saddened by her death.

Very few among us could have any idea what it must have been like for a young, blue collar girl from north London to be suddenly faced with international fame; to have enormous wealth and a parasitic British tabloid press watching her every move, hungry for each stumble; to be scrutinized for her looks, weight, voice, career trajectory and personal relationships. We can’t know what it must have felt like, in one’s early 20’s, to win 5 Grammys in one star-studded night, including Best New Artist. Wins that would have had the corporate music industry relying on her as a profitable investment, who would keep churning out hits, touring the world and making prime time media appearances.