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Why isn't anyone talking about the misogyny involved in Amanda Todd's life and death?

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Photo sourced from R.I.P Amanda Todd Facebook page

With the death of 15-year-old Amanda Todd, BC schools have some reckoning on their hands. Will they take the opportunity to look at the systemic causes of Todd’s experience of harassment and violence, or let the lessons that can be learned from this tragedy get lost in a swamp of ambiguities?

While articles rolled in on mainstream news websites, conversation erupted on Facebook and in personal correspondence over email with women who are engaged in anti-violence and anti-oppression work across the country. In the spirit of our immediate reactions, I am quoting their comments in full.

“I wasn't sure if I should read the [Toronto Sun] article, but I started and I'm disgusted by the framing, at least in what I've read so far. I didn't like how the first part hints that the moral of the story is ‘girls, don't flash your breasts on a webcam,’ like it was her fault,” says Zoe Mallet, a human rights advocate and scholar in Ottawa.

“It made me want to take a topless photo and post it online with a statement of protest. Of course, I won't do this because I know most people wouldn't understand or get it, but the urge was there.”

Jarrah Hodge, member of the City of Vancouver’s Women’s Advisory Committee and founder of feminist blog Gender Focus says, “I found it odd how there seemed to be no specific attempt to address the gender aspects including the factors that led to ‘the mistakes’ she made and the way she was manipulated and slut-shamed. At one point yesterday after they took the video down from YouTube, it was still up at some other sites like ebaumsworld,[...]and it was horrible to see how a lot of folks who didn't know she'd committed suicide were on about how ‘emo’ the video was and how it was ‘whining’ from someone who ‘doesn't know how to give a good BJ.’”

Feminist scholar and writer, and former BC high school teacher Fazeela Jiwa posted: “Why isn't anyone talking about the sexism and misogyny involved in Amanda Todd's life and death? 'Bullying' is important, yes, but it is a vague term that glosses over the structural reasons for why it happens, like race/gender/class/ability. If we don't start talking about the specifics of power structures in high schools, every ‘bullying’ campaign will be a waste of time.”

(182) Comments

Addy October 16th 2012 | 1:13 PM

[quote=Confused]"Instead... We rally around her, publicly decry the man’s behaviour as coercive, criminal. We come together in the public domain to talk about sexism and how it is wielded to remove a woman’s power, convince her that there is nowhere that is safe for her, and shun her in the eyes of the communities on which she depends." I'm confused. Is the author trying to say that this is what happens now or what she wishes would happen? Because it doesn't seem ideal or in line with what the story is saying. Perhaps I'm not reading this properly :|[/quote

If you read this quote in context you will see that it was referring to the way the author wishes the scenario had played out. Before the line you quoted was the line:

"Imagine a different reaction."

Then your quote was followed by the words:

"We can do this next time. A different ending is possible."

SpanishGuy October 16th 2012 | 2:14 PM

So Krissy Darch and Fazeela Jiwa, you're saying this is all about sexism and misogyny, right?.

It's been many years, I was a little boy, and I'm not gay, but that didn't stop my bullies. It almost cost me my life, twice.

Bullies know who to bully. They choose the "weakest" person (in terms of ability to defend himself/herself). They don't need a particular event to start bullying, they will find it, or even fabricate it.

No, this is not about sexism and misogyny. Sadly, Amanda is no longer with us, but if you want to do something about it, learn what bulliying is about and stop exploiting the already wasted word "misogyny".

Mary October 16th 2012 | 2:14 PM
Ashley Milbury wrote:

It's vital that we look more at the gendered power dynamics involved in bullying. The crimes committed against Amanda Todd were both adult and misogynist and our response to her death must reflect that.

Another attention whore down the drain: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y5OdQGbVNa4

 

EvilPundit October 16th 2012 | 2:14 PM

In case you haven't noticed, Amanda Todd was bullied by girls just as much as by boys.

 

This isn't about some imaginary "misogyny". It's just bullying, which can be done by anyone.

thefactsandnuthinbutthefacts October 16th 2012 | 2:14 PM
Anonir88484884 wrote:

The fact is Amanda made a mistake. A mistake she wouldn't take responsibility for. Did she ever apologize to her "bullies" for hurting them? Instead of crying about all the horrible things they were saying to her, why didn't she say "You're right. I acted like a slut and I'm sorry. I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend. I did these things BECAUSE...." People are pretty forgiving when you can at least acknowledge that what you did was wrong.

While I see a victim in Amanda Todd, I only see it that way because the "bullies" went overboard. But her "bullies" didn't kill her. They were hurt by her actions and they covered that up with anger. This little girl took her own life because she couldn't handle the consequences of her actions. It doesn't make it any less tragic, but it does make her death her own fault. I would hope that if she couldn't accept responsibility for her actions, she could at least accept responsibility for her death.

 

 

A-MEN!

Too many feminists putting themselves in the shoes of Amanda but they fail to realize the "other" victim that they should put the shoes on for size.. the girl who was the gf of the boy that Amanda Todd slept with. She was a victim who got hurt because of Amanda's selfish decision and negligence/ignorance. Sure, the guy was guilty too, but theres enough blame to spread around so Amanda is equally as guilty as the boy. She consented to the sex. He didn't "rape her".. she slept with him on her own free will. Did she really expect that there would be no concequences for this slutty whorish behavior? get real!!!!

She killed herself because she chose not to face reality when shit hit the fan. She refused to accept responsibility and took the cowards way out with no apology to the people she victimized. And she hurt her family by killing herself. Didn't bother thinking to herself what kind of pain she would be inflicting to her family by commiting suicide. (also why i hate emo kids who do the same shit. COWARDS!)

Only feminism itself is selfish enough to reward this behavior with tears, sympathy and a heroine gold medal.

No tears shed here. Shes no hero to me.

MC October 16th 2012 | 3:15 PM

A young girl has sex with a taken boy - she's a slut. She shouldn't be allowed to have sex with whoever she wants. She shouldn't be allowed to showcase her body. That makes her less of a human.

 

A young boy has sex with a taken girl - she's a slut. She shouldn't be allowed to have multiple partners.

 

Whatever happens, she ends up the slut.

 

That's what makes me so frustrated with this current social standard.

MC October 16th 2012 | 3:15 PM
EvilPundit wrote:

In case you haven't noticed, Amanda Todd was bullied by girls just as much as by boys.

 

This isn't about some imaginary "misogyny". It's just bullying, which can be done by anyone.

I think you might enjoy this read. It was misogyny from the females, too, but this started out as a man getting what he wanted from a young girl, using the social media expectations of girls as leverage. That's how it STARTED, but the misogyny was continued by both boys and girls alike.

http://finallyfeminism101.wordpress.com/2010/04/04/what-is-slut-shaming/...

Siobhan Smith October 16th 2012 | 4:16 PM
Jason Bryan wrote:

I'll flash my cock right now to prove that no matter what sex you are, people will call you horrible names for exposing your body.

 

Yeah people will call you horrible names for exposing your body regardless of gender but strangely enough unless your female then the people calling you these names probably weren't the ones encouraging you to expose your body just moments prior.

 

I don't feel the Amanda Todd case is different from the other numerous and increasing cases of bullying that leads to self harm and suicide. The fact is that she made the decision to expose herself on a website without due thought to the effects of her actions. Of course this was instigated by a sexual predator but again I see no misogyny, because there are predators preying on young boys as well as young girls. And the bullying aspect of her story is not necessarily misogynistic either; her decision to expose herself made her stand out from the playground crowd, just as sexuality and disability do for countless other young people, male and female alike. This isolated her and made her an easy target for bullying. There is not misogyny in this story, there is only young teenagers with increasingly easy ways to bully and harass through technology who felt that their cyber bullying gave them an anonymity which absolved them of wrongdoing. 

Funcuz October 16th 2012 | 4:16 PM
StopIt JustStopIt! wrote:

Jason Bryan wrote:

I'll flash my cock right now to prove that no matter what sex you are, people will call you horrible names for exposing your body.

TELL YOU WHAT- THIS is not the time and place ya goof, go find a more appropriate place, hhhm, say, like a porn site ok?  byebye good lord! unreal

Yet he's completely right .  Has anybody praised him for it ?  Does anybody expect him to be praised for it ?  In both cases the answer is no .


Now , I can see that nobody is going to like what I'm about to say based on the voting system around here but I'll say it anyway :  This is not an example of misogyny .  People just throw that word around as though it applies in any given situation where a female is involved .

You can take any word you like and provided you do enough mental gymnastics you can probably make it apply .  Certainly this is a tragedy but misogyny ?  Nobody hated her because she was female .  Hate didn't seem to figure into the equation actually .  Disrespected , definitely but not hated . 

Keri October 16th 2012 | 4:16 PM
fed_up_with_the_bs wrote:

Sad part is... if this was a 16 year old boy who did the flashing and got bullied and killed himself, he would have been called a "sexual pervert" and he "deserved it"...

a girl does it, shes a heroine and / or a martyr. Notice the absence of females saying what she did (flashing online) was "wrong".

None of you. And with that absence, you are opening the door for it to happen to another female child because she doesn't know it's "wrong" cause you won't teach her that it is... and most of you got the nerve to call yourselves "mothers".

Amanda Todd's death is being used as a vehicle for feminazi's political ajendas and misandry ...that is just utterly disgusting. so once again, Amanda's being "used".. but this time by other women for their own selfish reasons.

Shame on you. Let the girl rest in peace and stop trying to politically rape her and scavange her death for fuel to run your  "misandry machine". Shes been through enough.

Stop being a bully.

The tiniest violin in the world playing sadly in the background for "men's rights" idiots.

Ben Vess October 16th 2012 | 5:17 PM

Child pornography is illegal. Even when a child is taking pictures of themselves. In the United States, the punishment for this type of behavior is heavy; more so than the murderers and the swindlers.

I have taught my students that taking nude self portraits or provocative pictures of themselves invites only trouble for them and the people they care about. This is proof of what I was trying to say.

This situation is comparable to a bunch of underage kids drinking the night away then getting in a car to sneak back home only to discover that a concrete wall and/or massive tree 'simply wasn't there!' costing their lives.

The problem lies with the fact that much of today's society do not feel that kids should be accountable for as much as they should be. How do we expect to raise responsible adults if they aren't accountable for anything they do?

Tsk.

Ben Vess October 16th 2012 | 5:17 PM
Keri wrote:

fed_up_with_the_bs wrote:

Sad part is... if this was a 16 year old boy who did the flashing and got bullied and killed himself, he would have been called a "sexual pervert" and he "deserved it"...

a girl does it, shes a heroine and / or a martyr. Notice the absence of females saying what she did (flashing online) was "wrong".

None of you. And with that absence, you are opening the door for it to happen to another female child because she doesn't know it's "wrong" cause you won't teach her that it is... and most of you got the nerve to call yourselves "mothers".

Amanda Todd's death is being used as a vehicle for feminazi's political ajendas and misandry ...that is just utterly disgusting. so once again, Amanda's being "used".. but this time by other women for their own selfish reasons.

Shame on you. Let the girl rest in peace and stop trying to politically rape her and scavange her death for fuel to run your  "misandry machine". Shes been through enough.

Stop being a bully.

The tiniest violin in the world playing sadly in the background for "men's rights" idiots.

Careful, woman. You're being a sexist and not a feminist...Careful!

It is idiots like you that keeps this patriarchial society afloat. Why should we replace the patriarchial system with a matriarchial one? Equality, I understand; however, replacing one oppressive system with another is equally as bad.

Go get therapy.

Leila October 16th 2012 | 7:19 PM

Keith Maillard wrote:
Thanks for the article, Krissy. What's already been said is true: calling it "bullying" aims attention in the wrong direction, as though it's a personal defect, that all we have to do is convince the bullies of the error of their ways and all will be well, but that is not the case. What is going on is systemic--it's about children and teenagers having to deal with a brutal and sometimes deadly game that's played in the hell holes of contemporary high schools. It's about power. It's about boys controlling girls... and controlling access to girls. The girls who form "mean girl" groups are doing so to protect themselves. The system requires that not only do you form alliances for self-protection but that you bully other people. Only a small number of kids can opt out of this. As long as it's called simply "bullying," nothing will change, ever, ever. The violence, of course, is aimed not only at girls but at anyone who violates gender conventions. Teens themselves have to create an alternative, and we who have survived this shit have to do all we can to help them. Is it any wonder that The Hunger Games is such a huge success with teens, particularly teen girls? The story is about a girl who has to fight for her life with thousands of spectators watching while somebody else defines her sexuality. Isn't that a perfect metaphor for high school?


Keith, you need to know that you are talking about a small group of kids, usually the "cool" crowd, who generally show problems coping with their environments. 

I can tell you that no boys had control over the girls in my highschool and I'll tell you why: in the '70s, us girls were not drinking a lot, doing drugs, or putting out for anyone. The guys couldn't get it from us, so they were forced to be human and talk to us instead; it worked, too. They were great to be around!

Amazing what happens when you don't promote casual sex as being harmless to the human spirit.

The feminists get pretty warped about this because they want us to be able to have sex like men ie: no emotion. We girls wanted it the other way around, you see: we wanted the men to have sex our way, with total emotional involvement. The best quality guys do just that.

When guys become whores, they tend to project their own disgust onto the female, resulting in the male invention of a "bad reputation" (the religion of islam took this male disgust to the extreme). This is part of what happened to Amanda. It was bullying in a particularly virulent misogynistic form.

It's important not to shame a girl who is sleeping around. Chances are she's having serious issues in her life. There's no question that Amanda is not to blame for her actions. In fact, she was an impressionable child.

You can talk to kids until you're blue in the face, but in the end, kids will watch how their parents treat eachother and repeat the behaviour.

What happened to Amanda was in no way her fault; that goes without saying, or it should! The question is how to protect girls from exploitation.

Amanda Todd had no clear boundaries and drew no line in the sand with guys. Somewhere in her life, she learned that her deepest intuition about her own needs didn't matter as much as someone else's desires. She learned that this is the only way you get attention from guys. Where did she learn that?

That kid was suffering big time. And now, so are her parents.

Teenagers are a different breed, and as much as they hate it, helicopter parenting them is not such a bad idea given all the crap that's out there today. Kids hide their feelings well, though. They act tough when they feel most like hell. It might have been hard for her parents to know how bad off she was, I mean she seemed to be getting better.

She is okay now, though...it is for the rest of us to learn all we can from this.

Adam October 16th 2012 | 8:20 PM

Compare it to the Nazi's.

Told they needed to act a certain way

Do certain things

Be certain things

Still the result of a tragedy

Still fully responsible.

The sad part of this story is the fact that people can treat people like dirt; her death isen't even sombering.

 

The suicide is completely on her, noone made her do it.

Her actions are still her own, the same as any other person who's screwed up and ruffled some feathers.

 

ohpleasegimmeabreak October 16th 2012 | 9:21 PM

Somewhere in the 3rd world, there are kids dying because they can't get food to eat or shelter.. let alone afford a computer.

meanwhile somewhere in "canada" some middle class privelaged white girl was "bored" enough to flash her boobs online like a spoiled attention whore then kills herself because she didn't like the results.

oh dear..  rich white girl problems. be still my heart.

*rolls eyes*

Shelagh Dabecki October 16th 2012 | 10:22 PM

Parenting is the most difficult job out there and yet you do not need an education to be a parent. Learn as you go so to speak!  Once I read a profound quote from a book which has some significance to Amanda.  "Perhaps it is possible to discover more in silence than in speech.  Or perhaps it is only that those who are silent among us learn to listen."

To me this is not not just cowardly bullying via text messagaging and other insensative comments. It is a form of torture and therefore should have some criminal involvement. One thing these bullies do not understand is; when they become adults, what profound effect it will have on them knowing they were involved in an innocent child losing her life. Bullies in general really need to look in the mirror and have a really good talk with themselves to find out the rout of their problems so then can be addressed. They will never heel in their hearts or find piece with themselves until they do. coming from the heart, to say"I love myself" in the mirror takes a lot of courage. It is harder to love than it is to hate, but is well worth the the reward in the end. To know you you can turn your life around every minute. It is never too late.

This is coming from a victim of poverty and abuse who did say "I love myself" in the mirror. It was the begining of my new life. 

Stublore October 17th 2012 | 6:06 AM

There is call here to combat misogny. Where is the evidence it was male bullying that led to this tragedy?

odyssey October 17th 2012 | 7:07 AM
Stublore wrote:

Where is the evidence it was male bullying that led to this tragedy?

So far all they have is a lead from a group of hackers who dont have the cajones to show their face or give their names.. who are also being hunted down by the govt for other crimes.. and they posted a few names online which they "believe" are the culprit. (at least one of the names have been proven to be wrong thus far)

No actual hard evidence.. just wild guesses and a lot of fingers  being crossed.

I'm sure they are going to put the blame on someone and convict / charge them weather or not they have the right person or not... but you can be guarenteed that the girls who beat her up will be spared of any punishment.

 

odyssey October 17th 2012 | 8:08 AM

RCMP confirm that the names given by the hackers were false.

http://o.canada.com/2012/10/17/anonymous-accusation-of-amanda-todds-stalker-is-false-rcmp-say/


Go after the girls who physically attacked her already! You are looking for a needle in a haystack otherwise!

 

Angel October 17th 2012 | 3:15 PM
ohnonotagain wrote:

Misandry runs ramp[ant] when women refuse to take responsibility for their actions :


-Letting children have computers and iphones out of sight from parents with no surveilance whatsoever. (BAD PARENTING)

-Not noticing when their kids cry for help in the different ways they do. this was an ongoing thing. HOW THE HELL DID HER MOTHER NOT NOTICE THE SIGNS??? (BAD PARENTING)

- Not teaching her daughter that its WRONG to flash people on cam as a child or a teen (BAD PARENTING)

-NOT sitting down with her child and EXPLAINING the concequences of going online as a naive overtrusting toddler. (BAD PARENTING)

Its SOOOOOO easy to blame "men" when you are a piss poor excuse for a mother looking for an easy way out. If you send a child off into the jungle (the world is a jungle.. lets face it) and not warn them about the lions and tigers (males AND FEMALE predators. yeah i said it. females too!).. what good is blaming the lions and tigers after your kids are already dead? Putting the blame on the lions and tigers only ensures that the lesson wasn't learned and it's guarenteed to happen again. and again. and again. and again. Why deprive your kids of knowing how to survive in this world? Wtf was her mother THINKING??

 

too bad the mother didn't hang herself. that piece of shit parent should be locked up with the bullies for ignoring her daughters cry for help. Anyone who thinks it was only the bullies fault needs their goddamn head examined.

I find it interesting you don't mention her father at all, given the topic of this article.  I believe that Amanda stated in the video that she 'went to live with her mother and things got better'. This leads me to believe that she was living with her father when it first started. (Which is neither here nor there, imho.) As for your points...

- Internet access without parental supervision, I agree - age dependent.  At 12, the opportunity for that picture to take place should not have happened. 

- There are thousands of parents in the world asking themselves why they didn't see the signs. Plus, she had supports in place, her parents were aware and took the steps necessary.

- Not warning about the dangers... I would imagine like all parents, they did.  My parents told me not to have pre-marital sex...

 

Sophia Ho October 17th 2012 | 5:17 PM

I feel bad for Amanda. Poor girl didn't deserve to be treated like this. I have a suggestion. Try Asian parenting methods, your kids will redirect their interests towards more useful pursuits like attaining a good education instead of being obsessed about getting a guy's attention and their social life.They won't have time to bully weaker kids, load up on make up at such a young age or go on internet chatrooms to meet men. The poor parenting skills in American society has caused the young generations to degenerate. Instead of bashing Asian parenting methods, why not give it a go. The discipline that Asian parenting instills in children draws clear boundaries for them - something that is vital in the era of pervasive technology.

thetruth October 17th 2012 | 6:18 PM

[quote=Angel]

I find it interesting you don't mention her father at all, given the topic of this article

[quote]

I find it even MORE interesting how the news never interviewed him either. Or how the articles never mentioned him.

But It's easy to figure out. Lets not be naive here. Feminists don't give a rats ass what the father thinks or what he went through. A girl died. They only care about the mother has to say. Which is why he was left out of the interview.. and other interviews.

That places the parental responsibility on the mother. She was responsible for her well being.

So, yeah... you were saying...?

 

 

 

 

ohnonotagain October 17th 2012 | 7:19 PM

 

Quote:

I find it interesting you don't mention her father at all

 

I believe that Amanda stated in the video that she 'went to live with her mother


Looks like you answered your own question. She lived with her mother... therefore, her mother was solely responsible for her well being.

Quote:

and things got better'.

 

Oh really? things got "better" huh? Lets ask amanda if things got better as you say..

 

Oh wait.. shes dead. Looks like being with her mother made things worse. The proof is in the end results.

 

And to quote thetruth if i may :

 

Quote:

So, yeah... you were saying...?

 

 

 

alexx October 17th 2012 | 11:23 PM
fed_up_with_the_bs wrote:

Sad part is... if this was a 16 year old boy who did the flashing and got bullied and killed himself, he would have been called a "sexual pervert" and he "deserved it"...

a girl does it, shes a heroine and / or a martyr. Notice the absence of females saying what she did (flashing online) was "wrong".

None of you. And with that absence, you are opening the door for it to happen to another female child because she doesn't know it's "wrong" cause you won't teach her that it is... and most of you got the nerve to call yourselves "mothers".

Amanda Todd's death is being used as a vehicle for feminazi's political ajendas and misandry ...that is just utterly disgusting. so once again, Amanda's being "used".. but this time by other women for their own selfish reasons.

Shame on you. Let the girl rest in peace and stop trying to politically rape her and scavange her death for fuel to run your  "misandry machine". Shes been through enough.

Stop being a bully.

actually, what you said about a lack of women saying what she did was wrong is very untrue. There are people all over the internet saying she deserved it because she's a slut, and a picture circulating facebook calling her a dirty whorebag. Just take a look on tumblr or reddit... some of the things said there are sickening.

And the difference is that a boy wouldn't get coerced into flashing his penis, and even if he circulated it himself, he wouldn't be called a slut, or a whore. He'd be considered a hero for having the guts to do that. When I was in middle school, a guy who was a complete nobody did that and he suddenly became the coolest kid in school. Young men don't face the same pressures that young women do.

Mike Nike October 18th 2012 | 12:00 AM

Her name was Amanda Todd and she died from bullying.  It's very saddening to see feminists jump on this story and use it to push thier agenda.  You don't think boys are bullied?  You don't think girls bully girls?  Girls can even bully boys believe it or not.  This is one story that had a sexual element to it and a man was involved.  Lets not run off and assume this is always the case because it isn't.  There are many different ways both sexes get bullied.  I refuse to turn this into a story of all males are bad and all women are good and somehow victims of the males.  That is just ridiculous.  Rest in peace Amanda xoxoox

socialnutrition October 18th 2012 | 8:08 AM

Quote:
Girls can even bully boys believe it or not.

 

This statement will probably be erased by the moderators (being that this is a feminist website that refuses to aknowledge the truth and would rather sweep it under the rug), but i stand by that statement 100%


I've seen girls bully boys younger than them for no reason plenty of times, i've also seen full grown adult women make boarderline psychotic misandry sites calling for the death (yes, "death") of random men who did nothing to them. i'm sure some of them actually carried out their mission at some point.

Feminism isn't what it used to be. The organization nowadays  is run by paris hilton-esque rich, selfish, vain, confused, catty spoiled brats with close to no general education, accept no responsibility for their actions and recruit peanut gallery soldierettes to blindly follow them. It's like a religion now. (and we all know how religion works on blind faith and no evidence)

if you're going to blame anyone for her death, blame YOURSELF for ignoring bullying in general and refusing to acknowledge it when it happens or do anything about it until it's too late..

Blaming "misogyny" is like putting a band aid on a severed arm. Simply not good enough.

How many more Amanda Todds must die because of the ignorance that feminism teaches? Wake up!!!

 

 

thetruth October 18th 2012 | 9:09 AM
alexx wrote:

Young men don't face the same pressures that young women do.

 

The tiniest violin in the world playing sadly in the background.....


*rolls eyes*

Give it a rest October 18th 2012 | 12:12 PM
Anonir88484884 wrote:

I am so sick of hearing how horrible her "bullies" were. Do you forget what it was like to be 15? Try to remember for a second being 15 years old and having a boyfriend. Then this girl comes along and sleeps with him. I don't care who you are, at 15 you would have called that girl a slut for sleeping with your boyfriend, and you most definitley would have called her that more than once. And if you were more popular than her, your friends would have called her that too. And then you find pictures of her showing off her goodies to randoms on the internet. You are going to use that against her to further affirm that she is a slut, and more than likely all of your friends, and their friends, and their friends friends are going to agree with you. I'm not saying Amanda Todd was a whore that deserved to die. I'm just saying, at 15 if some stupid girl had sex with my boyfriend, I would have made her life a living hell too. And I doubt they really thought she would kill herself, and I am sure these kids are pretty scared and upset now that she has. Judging by her actions, she was a bit of an attention whore. I'm sure when she tried to kill herself the first time, they all assumed she was just looking for more attention.

These are 15 year old kids and they are immature, and they handle their relationships in an immature way. Hell, I'm 24 and if some girl slept with my boyfriend and then I found pictures of her online, I'd STILL probably call her a slut and use them against her. Not because it's the right thing to do, but because it would humilate her, and the boyfriend who cheated on you with a slut, and maybe make you feel better for a minute.

The fact is Amanda made a mistake. A mistake she wouldn't take responsibility for. Did she ever apologize to her "bullies" for hurting them? Instead of crying about all the horrible things they were saying to her, why didn't she say "You're right. I acted like a slut and I'm sorry. I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend. I did these things BECAUSE...." People are pretty forgiving when you can at least acknowledge that what you did was wrong.

While I see a victim in Amanda Todd, I only see it that way because the "bullies" went overboard. But her "bullies" didn't kill her. They were hurt by her actions and they covered that up with anger. This little girl took her own life because she couldn't handle the consequences of her actions. It doesn't make it any less tragic, but it does make her death her own fault. I would hope that if she couldn't accept responsibility for her actions, she could at least accept responsibility for her death.

 

So, basically, you're okay with bullying behaviour, so you're downplaying it. If you're 24, and would still behave the way you say you would, I strongly suggest you grow up.

When I was 15, if someone had slept with my boyfriend, I may have called her names, although probably mostly to my friends. I wouldn't have punched her. I wouldn't have ganged up on her. And, I would have kicked my boyfriend to the curb. I don't think it's okay to have sex with someone else's boyfriend, husband or whatever - but the *betrayal* comes from the person who cheats, not the person they cheat with.

Amanda made a couple of stupid decisions. I won't argue that. The people who beat her up, suggested that she drink more bleach next time, etc. went *way* beyond making a couple of stupid decisions. I hope they're squirming with guilt now, because they won't grow without that...but I really doubt they care at all.

Give it a rest October 18th 2012 | 1:13 PM
Stublore wrote:

There is call here to combat misogny. Where is the evidence it was male bullying that led to this tragedy?

Umm...there were certainly girls bullying her, but the whole thing started when a guy broadcast her photo far and wide, because she wouldn't put on a "show" for him. The entire situation was triggered by a sexual predator.

And, misogyny isn't the sole realm of men.