My Wife, the Drummer

My wife insists that she is unable to meditate. She is convinced that her mind is not programmed for meditation in the “sit still, watch your breath, calm your mind and achieve enlightenment” sense of the word. Though she can sit and breathe with the best of them, her mind is wholly uncooperative. The way my wife describes it, the very process of trying to quiet her mind has the opposite effect, sending her into a mental tail spin that inevitably leads to her blowing out the recently lit scented candles with the frustration of a birthday boy whose suspicions that he’s receiving socks and underwear from Grandma are confirmed.

Not that my wife doubts the benefits of meditation. In fact, everyone and their Labradoodle is now standing at the street corners extolling the virtues of a meditative practice.

And it’s not just the hemp and quinoa crowd either. The physiological benefits of reduced stress and lower blood pressure have been scientifically established to the point where mainstream institutions like law firms and hospitals are embracing meditation as a way of keeping their lawyers and staff happily enslaved and getting patients discharged earlier.

Personally, when I sit for 20 minutes, gently bringing my focus back to my breath whenever my thoughts wander, I feel refreshed , calm and energized. “Aren’t you just the perfect little Yogi” , my wife mocks over my shoulder as I type this part.

It only increases her annoyance when I gently urge her to try harder. “Just keep returning your focus to your breath, honey. I am sure you’ll get it.” This conversation invariably ends with my wife , smiling warmly as though she was privately reminiscing about a funny moment with an old friend, saying:

“Anyways, I don’t need to sit and breathe. Drumming is my meditation.”

My wife is a drummer. I am told she is arguably the best female hand drummer in the City, and not only by my in-laws. When she was just beginning her rhythmic education, she was told by an African-American master drummer that she must have been African in another lifetime because her hands seemed to know the rhythms as though she had played them before.

She has been a hand-drumming facilitator, instructor, dance accompanist and performer for the last 15 years . She is also the founder of Drum Mama Studios in Kerrisdale where she teaches African and Latin drumming to rhythm junkies of all ages and from all walks of life.

Trained in ballet and invited as a child to the Royal Winnipeg Ballet School, my wife dreamed as a young girl to follow in the ballet-slippered footsteps of Karen Cain and Evelyn Hart. However, put off by her teachers’ pathological insistence on perfection of body and movement, and with her parents’ support, my wife quit ballet at age 16.

Her shattered ballerina dreams mixed poorly with the turbulent hormonal rollercoaster of being a teenager, sending her into a dark pit of despair.

In 1984, her life took a dramatic turn when her family, on an unrelated trip to Whistler, happened upon a week-long African dancing and drumming workshop. She thought it might be interesting and was encouraged by her parents to attend. The drumming was led by Nigerian Drum Master and Grandfather of the Western Drum Circle, Olatunji Baba.

His message of self-acceptance, healing and peace through rhythm transformed her forever. The feeling of her skin on the goat-skin djembe transported her to a place where mistakes were readily forgiven and body type was irrelevant. This rhythmical epiphany was the first time she could remember feeling completely present in the moment and at peace with herself.

Drumming was succeeding at healing the point-shoe sized wounds in her heart where all else had failed. From that moment on, my wife became a life-long student of rhythm and has always turned to drumming in difficult times.

Most recently, when she was bedridden with pregnancy complications, only the drum could ground her and take her mind off her ligament pain and unrelenting morning sickness. I’m always amazed at how my wife seems entirely transformed after a session of drumming. She becomes completely serene as though returning from a weeklong spa get-away.
My wife’s visceral belief that drumming serves as her meditative healing practice has been tested by researchers at HealthRhythms, an internationally acclaimed program funded by Remo, the world’s largest manufacturer of drums. According to the research conducted, group drumming enhanced the activity of “specific cellular immune components responsible for seeking out and destroying cancer cells and viruses.”
This increased cellular activity was seen to occur after a single group drumming session of less than an hour. Dr Robert Friedman in his book “The Healing Power of the Drum” writes of the proven benefits of drumming in releasing the emotional pain of post-traumatic stress disorder and easing anger and negative emotions in "at-risk" youth.

As well, group drumming has been shown to improve short term memory in Alzheimer’s patients and increase the attention span of autistic children. In Africa, where traditional drumming is used in ceremonies of healing and celebration, the therapeutic value of the drum has been recognized for thousands of years. Ya Ya Diallo, a master drummer from Mali, West Africa goes so far as to refer to the drum as “the psychiatrist of (his) culture”.
This compelling evidence of healing is attested to by my wife’s drum students who alternatively describe their experience during classes as energizing, calming and life-changing.

Barb, a well-dressed , 40-something “domestic goddess” has been a Drum Mama for almost 2 years. She was introduced to the drum a few years back when her husband brought home a djembe for their two teenage daughters. At the time, she had no formal meditative practice but had tried a few yoga classes: “I decided I didn’t need other forms of meditation once I discovered drumming,” she explains.

“ I leave the class feeling wonderfully super-relaxed. During the class, I go to a different place. My mind is on vacation because I am so focussed on participating in the rhythm. Through drumming, I learned to recognize what a calm mind feels like. It’s very therapeutic. “
Lulu, an experienced drum circle facilitator who has been drumming for 10 years, attends weekly at Drum Mama Studios. “In class, while drumming, my back completely lets go and goes soft. I’m in a very relaxed yet attentive state. After the class, my body is like putty, ” she explains, her body sinking into the sofa to emphasize her point. “When we are learning new stuff, it’s extremely good for my 57 year old brain. Instead of bridge classes, I take rhythm lessons which I am sure are putting new pathways in my brain. It’s sometimes hard to remember all the patterns when you’re going through “mental-pause”, but it feels really good for the brain. It really tests you.” Lulu also sees her discovery of drumming as a life-altering, healing process: “ I was having a very hard time before I started drumming: taking care of three young children and caring for my demanding, ailing parents. I was so stressed out. Drumming saved my life.”
Sarah is a beginner drummer and vibrant senior who looks forward to drumming every week. At the time she first saw my wife performing at a charitable event she attended, my wife was not offering a beginner class. Sarah was so insistent on learning to drum that she recruited five of her friends and brought them to Drum Mama Studios to form their own beginner group. “ I find it both exhilarating and calming,” she explains with a clearly visible twinkle in her eye. “ I definitely feel on top of problems when I leave the class. I would describe it as a definite “up”. It can be very challenging too.”

Because she credits drumming with turning her life around, my wife is very passionate about sharing its healing aspects with others. She has seen faces in the crowd transformed from completely stressed-out to joyfully radiant by the end of a 45 minute corporate drumming workshop. She has worked with at-risk youth from Vancouver’s Downtown East Side where children on probation with severe drug and behavioural problems were all connecting through rhythm - smiling and engaged to such an extent that the youth counsellors felt that it was safe to leave the room without fear of violence erupting.
It turns out that my wife, despite her transcendental handicap, has become somewhat of a healer. But instead of sitting alone in silent contemplation, my wife is noisily building a healing rhythm community while receiving and sharing in all of the benefits of a mindfulness practice. The Buddha would no doubt be smiling.
( for more information on Drum Mama Studios e-mail drum.mama,,,shaw.ca )

Michael Millman is a songwriter, corporate writer and recovering lawyer/businessman with slightly damaged eardrums, living with his Drum Mama and three children in Vancouver, BC.